Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo is understood to be on the cusp of joining hit TV show, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! before the World Cup.
The Portuguese superstar is hopeful it will enhance his appeal to potential new clubs, as well as extending his football career for a few more years as he’s been assured crocodile anus has incredible regenerative powers.
“Once again Cristiano will prove to the world he is better than Lionel Messi – he wouldn’t be able to do it on a sticky Tuesday night in the jungle!” a source close to the goal-machine said.
Expected to buddy up with disgraced politician Matt Hancock – who some are describing as the “Ronaldo of Parliament” because he can’t accept his career’s over either – TV producers are hopeful the lovable rogues will form a fantastic double act in the ilk of the Chuckle Brothers.
“Matt’s incredibly excited by the prospect of teaming up with Ronaldo. If there’s good chemistry between them, perhaps he could lean on the Portuguese superstar when it comes to carving out a career in the football world.
“Anything would be better than rubbing your face in kangaroo gonads for a living, wouldn’t it?
“Bar managing Everton, I suppose.”
Following his explosive Piers Morgan interview in which he admitted taking a sh*t in Marcus Rashford’s locker and blamed Erik ten Hag for the recent energy crisis across the UK, Ronaldo is understood to be motivated by having all cameras on him once again whilst in the jungle.
“Cris can’t wait to become the greatest player to ever appear in the sixteenth tier of Australian football when he gets out of the jungle,” we were told.
UDINE, ITALY – AUGUST 22: Cristiano Ronaldo of Juventus celebrates after scoring his team’s third goal before the referee disallowed it during the Serie A match between Udinese Calcio v Juventus at Dacia Arena on August 22, 2021 in Udine, Italy. (Photo by Alessandro Sabattini/Getty Images)
“After he’s been crowned king, naturally.”
“He’s going to eat a few bugs and smile for the camera, then when it’s all over he is likely to sign for local side Jungle Rovers, who are willing to pay him a million quid a week,” confirmed a source close to the player.
Although Jungle Rovers are leading the race for his signature, sources close to his agent Jorge Mendes assured us there has been interest from several other major clubs.
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“Monkey Athletic are keen and Tropical City have also been in touch, so the boy has some really good options.
“Even at 38, Cristiano is still very much a winner as proven with e his two goals against FC Sheriff in the Europa League so far this season;” he explained.
“He has outgrown Manchester United for the second time in his career and now wishes only bad things on them. And a certain ex-right back needs to sleep with one eye open.”
Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is just complete nonsense, every word of it. Honest.
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