Ahead of their weekend Old Trafford clash with Burnley, Manchester United have confirmed they’ll be bringing back the infamous 1996 grey strip, and will wear it this weekend in a bid to increase the vision and awareness of their players.
Over the past few days, United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has suggested that his side’s sketchy home form is down to red banners being used around the stadium to cover the seating, which has led to a monumental colour clash, forcing some of his players to play really s*it and use vision impairment as an excuse.
“It’s been difficult for the boys, but we’ve got experts in to fix the situation,” confirmed Ole.
“Anthony has hit row Z of the Stretford End with 97% of his shots this season as the red background meant he couldn’t see where the goal was.
“Fred has been pinging passes directly into The Sir Alex Ferguson stand, as he found it hard to tell the difference between a 40-foot-wide banner and Dan James.
“Even Phil Jones injured himself again yesterday as he mistook a row of seats covered by a red flag for an opponent, so smashed right through the lot of them with his face.
“He’s out for another 17 months.”
Paddy Power News spoke with fashion expert and media personality, Gok Wan, who has been in charge of facilitating the re-emergence of the grey kit.
“These guys need to dress to impress if they want to win football matches,” explained Gok.
“Back in the mid 90s when they last wore this outfit, it was huge fashion faux pas. Everything was a bit gloomy and low-res, so by wearing an unflattering grey kit, the players just camouflaged into the sh*tness of a humdrum existence. It was a tragedy on all counts.
“These days, fashion is all about timing and expression. We live in a world of 4k, 5k, HD, ultra-HD, high-quality colours and vibrant dispositions – so the grey kit will work in a complimentary manner, meaning not only will the team look fabulous, but they will also be able to see each other as clear as day.”
It is understood that if United win on Sunday, a number of the players, including Eric Bailly, Paul Pogba and Harry Maguire, will appear as guest models in the next season of Gok’s TV show Say Yes to the Dress: Lancashire.
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