Inter Milan set to sign any old sh*te whose name sounds familiar

It's a bold strategy, let's see if it pays off.

Ashley Cole Inter

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Inter Milan look set to continue their policy of signing any old sh*te before the end of the current transfer window.

Occasional Tottenham Hotspur player Christian Eriksen is closing in on a move to the San Siro, after landing in Italy on Monday morning ahead of a medical with the Serie A side.

Should the move go ahead, Eriksen would become the third signing Inter have made from the Premier League THIS MONTH, having already hired the services of perennial loanee Victor Moses and seagull sh*te gobbler Ashley Young.

Under the stewardship of 28-year-old chairman Steven Zhang, the Italian giants have pursued a policy of recruiting every Premier League misfit available.

The influential young businessman took control of i Nerazzurri back in 2018 and immediately outlined his five-year plan for the three-time Champions League winners.

‘It is my grand vision that one day Inter Milan will relocate to Somerset and become a top 10 Premier League club’, revealed the Chinese billionaire.

‘In order to realise my vision, we must prepare ourselves for a life of mid-table mediocrity in England’s top division by signing some of the most inconsistent, injury-prone disruptive contract rebels they have on offer’, explained Zhang.

True to his word, the Inter chairman went out this summer and signed Romelu Lukaku and Alexis Sanchez from Manchester United.

‘If you want someone to score the fifth goal in a 5-0 win then there’s no better striker in the world than Romelu’, gushed Zhang.

‘Rom will score eight goals in six games then none at all for the next two months. And that’s exactly the type of inconsistency we need if we’re gonna languish in mid-table’, he added.

But it was the acquisition of Sanchez, that potentially derailed United’s own push for mid-table last season, which excited Inter’s chairman the most.

‘We showed Alexis around our treatment rooms which are some of the best in world football and he couldn’t wait to spend the majority of the season in there’, explained Zhang.

Manchester United CEO Ed Woodward was understandably distraught at losing Sanchez and posted an emotional Tweet, which read:

‘I think I speak on behalf of everyone associated with Man United when I thank Alexis for his unwavering commitment during his time with the club’.

‘A return of three goals in exchange for just over 26 million pounds proved to be an excellent investment’.

And with three days of the Italian transfer window still remaining, it’s rumoured that Zhang is hoping to add Andy Carroll, Daniel Sturridge and Paul Pogba to his over-paid under-performing injury-prone squad.

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