Following the recent revelation that Manchester City are on the lookout for social media influencers to boost the appeal of their European matches, we look at what type of influencers the Premier League’s big six might employ!
Since he’s no longer interested in scoring goals for The Red Devils, United might want to get their money’s worth out of 27-year-old ‘hot prospect’ Jesse Lingard by putting him in charge of the club’s Instagram account. The dabbing-dimwit could entertain United’s 32 million followers with some hilarious antics including simulating sex acts with a pillow.
Over the course of their illustrious ten-year history, City have tried every trick in the book to convince their five supporters they’re a big club. I mean, even Patrick Moore didn’t know what those three stars above their badge were about?
As a last resort, perhaps they could hire esteemed historian Sir Richard John Evans to rewrite the club’s past, which would make no mention of them playing in the third tier of English football just twenty years ago.
If internet rumours are to be believed, the Spurs dressing room is far from a happy camp at present. Tales of extramarital affairs, scuffles and contract rebellions have been doing the rounds since Spurs did the Spursiest thing ever and bottled it during last season’s Champions League final.
What the North London side need is a social media campaign promoting a harmonious new image of the club. Maybe a set of clips showing the players hanging out in each other’s homes? Episode One – Jan Vertonghen calls to the home of Christian Eriksen – but Christian’s ‘not home’.
Absolutely nobody except Liverpool fans were distraught that Liverpool never won the league last season. Despite amassing enough points to secure the title during almost any other campaign, Jurgen Klopp’s side only finished second. And despite champions Man City winning more games, scoring more goals and earning more points than Liverpool, Kopites felt this was wholly unfair.
So, perhaps with just the right amount of spin from a social media guru, the Anfield club could convince everyone that both sides decided the fairest thing to do was share the title last season?
Having signed a contract extension in January 2018 to become Arsenal’s highest-paid non-playing squad member, maybe the North London outfit could get their money’s worth out of Mesut Ozil by using the German for some half-time entertainment instead?
Never mind ‘Where’s Wally?’, ‘Where’s Ozil’ will keep Gunners fans occupied during the interval as they try to spot the 31-year-old World Cup winner in a detailed illustration uploaded to the club’s Facebook page.
Think Chelsea and immediately horrible bastards such as Dennis Wise, Ashley Cole and Diego Costa spring to mind.
However, The Blues are in serious danger of losing their tag as one of England’s most disliked clubs under the stewardship of the very likeable Frank Lampard. Throw into the mix that Lamps has abandoned the club’s usual policy of fielding mercenaries by blooding a group of youngsters, these are very unusual times at the Bridge.
Owner Roman Abramovich needs to step in before it’s too late by hiring an influencer to remind us of all the shithousery Chelsea have indulged in during his tenure. First up, The Mourinho Years…