Messi to Wrexham?! Where next for PSG star as contract talks end

Messi is on the move this summer... could we see him teaming up with Ryan Reynolds at Wrexham?


Lionel Messi’s trip to Saudi Arabia in recent days has sparked some controversy around his commitment to PSG and their values.

So much so that the Parisian club have decided they won’t be extending the Argentine’s contract as the world’s most expensive ornament

That means it’s time to ponder the idea of Messi’s next move, perhaps somewhere better-suited to his needs or where he could combine sight-seeing with kicking a ball around some grass for about a million quid a week.

You’re just so oppressed, little man. Anyway, to the travel agents!

Leo Messi, PSG, March 2023

Independiente Medellin

Ah, yes – a South American haven famed for its tolerance of five-foot-six midgets with scruffy hair who evade tax collectors and work off questionable moral standpoints. A paradise.

It’s long been said that Messi would like to return to Argentina one day, but presumably after he runs the oil wells of European super clubs dry first – let’s not be too charitable eh, amigo?

Well if he wants to make amends on that front, moving back to Colombia could well be a reasonable halfway house, and he could even commute via car when he finally settles back in Rosario, cutting his carbon footprint and lessening the need for fuel in that instance – getting one back at the oil-rich owners that have funded his lifestyle in Paris over the last two years.

Take that, suckers!


His heart is in Barcelona. Its people. Its culture. Its identity. Its oddly-placed beach which just kind of appears in the middle of a road without any real warning.

So what better way to prove that your love is for a particular place than by joining the lesser outfit? That way, the city get you back, you’re happier at home, Barcelona don’t need to breach another six rules which see them liquidated and sent off to play in an outlawed North Sea five-a-side competition.

It feels like a win-win really? Unless of course the Argentine really just loved the big franchise that could pay him the most? No – sheer conjecture I’d bet.


The nuclear option. Heh heh.

Perhaps Lionel Messi’s jaunt around the Middle East continues? After all, he appears frequently astounded by the marvels that await him on his trips there.

He was a huge hit in Qatar, is taking trips to Saudi Arabia to go wander through rainforests, which seems a touch misguided, and now he’s even rumoured to be going to the UAE.

Why not complete your tour of the region by signing for Iran’s equivalent of Man United?

It didn’t look great in Argo admittedly, but sure who’d trust Ben Affleck anyway?

They’re constantly getting 80,000 at games, and I reckon they’d likely give you control of their state arsenal too if you really went in two-footed on Ronaldo in the Asian Champions League?

Lionel Messi: The Revenge Tour.


Perhaps Messi feels like he’s finally seeing the light and ditching the oil money in exchange for a re-education? Incredibly noble.

And while most switches to clubs beginning with the ‘Universidad’ moniker would see him leave the UEFA jurisdiction and cause his Champions League record chase cut short, he could easily just sign for University College Dublin in the League of Ireland if he wanted.

They’ll even sort him with a four-year course in the college, too. Nothing too important of course, that’s for the real intellectuals, but maybe a BA in Business Management could help with all those tax issues, for instance.

And with a proud European tradition which includes drawing 0-0 with Everton in the 1984-85 European Cup Winners’ Cup, I see no reason he’d turn down the opportunity.


Why not go out in a blaze of glory and feature in yet another play-thing for multi-millionaires?

Messi has done it all in the footballing arena, and this could well be his segue into the silver screen. Not quite sure who’d cast him, but he could probably double as a child actor for some indie production company?

Him and Ryan Reynolds would get on great. Gareth Bale did the noble thing and retired before everyone got sick of him, which is far more than we can say for the soon-to-be-exiled PSG winger, but imagine having the chance to outdo him by signing for a Welsh club?

It might even force CR7 to sign for Portadown.

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