Games between Chelsea and Liverpool are to be banned under the Geneva Convention after yet another painful to watch 0-0 draw between the pair.
It follows an emergency summit involving the leaders of 196 states who deemed the contest ‘a crime against humanity’.
There had been calls from human rights groups to ban the fixture which has now produced seven hours and 45 minutes without a goal.
Campaigners are also demanding a ban on all future Manchester United v Wolves clashes or any game involving Crystal Palace.
There are fears that Chelsea v Liverpool games could replace waterboarding at US black sites unless swift and decisive action is taken.
‘We haven’t witnessed such cruelty since Peter Andre released Mysterious Girl back in 1995’, an Amnesty International spokesperson told Paddy Power News.
‘Auto-Tune was still a couple of years away and we were subjected to Andre’s vocals in their raw form’.
‘Even Andre’s oiled-up 8-pack couldn’t distract us from the horror of his singing voice’.
‘That’s why we must not allow ourselves to be dragged back to the dark days of ’95 by permitting any future screenings of Chelsea v Liverpool’.
‘Since the last goal was scored between these teams Todd Boehly has bought Chelsea, sacked Thomas Tuchel, hired Graham Potter, fired Graham Potter and wasted £600m on players.
‘It’s been like watching 400 minutes’ worth of two lads playing FIFA on the Xbox, but they’ve forgotten what the shoot button is’.
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Meanwhile, Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp has come out in support of the decision after last night’s stalemate at Stamford Bridge.
‘At least the people watching at home have the option of switching channels, so spare a thought for those of us in the dugout’, the emotional German told Paddy Power News.
‘I’d rather watch a documentary about Chris Wilder’s decision to vote for only three Premier League subs than watch another Chelsea v Liverpool game’.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.
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