Ahead of Sunday’s inevitable 0-0 draw in the Manchester derby, United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is ready to ramp up the tension between himself and his opposite number Pep Guardiola by challenging the City manager on the catwalk.
With United now having gone three consecutive games without scoring a goal for the first time since 2016, Solskjær has already resigned himself to the fact that Sunday’s stalemate will make it four on the spin and take him above Dutchman Louis van Gaal in the crap stakes.
However, with his side trailing their cross-city counterparts on the pitch, the 1999 Treble winner wants to make a statement on the side-lines by wearing some outlandish garments chosen by fashion guru and makeover expert Gok Wan.
The Norwegian tactician has contracted the dedicated follower of fashion to kit out the United coaching staff in gear that will outshine the cheap garb Guardiola’s been seen poncing around on the touchline since arriving in the Northwest in 2016.
The style consultant’s back catalogue includes being a fashion guide on TV shows such as How to Look Good Naked, Say Yes to the Dress: Lancashire, Big Brother’s Little Brother, Battle of the Sexes, GMTV and The Wright Stuff, whilst kitting out celebrities such as Vanessa Mae, Johnny Vaughan and…er…Wet Wet Wet, but now faces his toughest challenge: getting Ole’s backroom team to part with their leisurewear from the United megastore.
We tracked down the flamboyant TV star and although he was remaining tight-lipped about his plans, he did say he hoped to “illuminate the Etihad Stadium – and send social media into meltdown,” with his plans for the Red Devils’ bckroom team.
“And there’s no way Pep’s winning on the touchline this Sunday,” the 46-year-old fashionista went on. “TK Maxx wouldn’t stock some of the tat he wears.
“You don’t have to stick to ‘£10 or Less’ rack, Pep.”
“And all that knitwear – I don’t know if he’s a football manager or trying to solve a series of politically-motivated murders in some Scandi-noir from 2010.”
However, not everyone at Old Trafford is on-board with the makeover plan.
Recently-appointed first-team coach Darren Fletcher, who gave up a promising career in the media to join Ole’s backroom staff, is rumoured to have told colleagues that there was no way he was going to bark out instructions from the touchline whilst looking like an ‘extra out of Cinderella.’
And Academy boss Nicky Butt is also dead against the idea, stating that, ‘If I wanted to dress like Robbie Savage I could blow my wages at Boohooman.com any time I like,” according to our sources.
Assistant Coach Mike Phelan on the other hand, the man whose most famous moment as a United employee was bursting a balloon at Stamford Bridge which caused Sir Alex Ferguson to nearly shit himself, was reported to be well up for it telling close associates that he quite fancied a career in pantomime after football and this is ” a great window of opportunity.”
He also admitted that he had already been in discussion with Les Dennis about the possibility of a cameo in Dick Whittington this Christmas on condition that he bring back his ‘tache from the nineties.
Exec Ed Woodward asked his manager why he just couldn’t have taken the club’s credit card to the Trafford Centre to sort out his backroom staff when Solskjaer put forward the makeover idea, arguing that he could be sending Jadon Sancho gifts and flowers with that money instead, but the manager was keen to stress that the stylist would also advise on the club’s attire should they get to the cup final this season – although he did add that to achieve this they would have to at least score in a penalty shootout.
Having been asked for comment on the plan Sir Alex Ferguson was unavailable, with sources telling us he’s too busy studying the form guides for the Cheltenham Festival.
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