Could life get any worse for poor Kalvin Phillips?
Not so long ago ‘the Yorkshire Pirlo’ was regarded as a classy and composed midfielder with many arguing that he was more important for England than Declan Rice. Yet now the headlines read that he is the worst loan signing of all time.
Where did it all go wrong? Our guess is his inability to get out of second gear has something to do with it, costing West Ham goals and points. Another theory is it could be when he swore at his own supporters.
However, a more astute observation could link it to when he transferred to Man City reserves and wasn’t seen for the best part of two years.
Either way, Kalvin seems a nice guy going through a very rough patch, so here at Paddy Power News, we’ve decided to do him a favour by looking at a handful of alternatives who might just pip him to that number one spot of “worst ever loan signing”.
Renato Sanchez – Swansea City
Sanchez went from winning Euro 2016 with Portugal, being named young player of the tournament, winning the Golden Boy award, and signing for Bayern Munich, to passing the football to a picture of a Carabao on an advertising board whilst on loan at Swansea.
The loan fee was over £7m, he played a handful of times, Swansea were relegated, and Sanchez told the press he never wanted to be there in the first place.
William Prunier – Manchester United
Eric Cantona was responsible for changing the history of Manchester United, spearheading an era of dominance. He was also famous for speaking absolute nonsense about seagulls and sardines.
It was a masterstroke from Sir Alex to bring Eric to Old Trafford, but it was downright stupidity to let the Frenchman talk him into signing his best pal, William.
Prunier played twice for United before disappearing into oblivion.
Simone Zaza – West Ham
Zaza was an original Vine star. For any youngsters reading this, Vine was TikTok before TikTok came along.
An internet sensation made famous for his silly penalty technique where he runs like a drunk clown and wagons the ball over the bar.
However, what people tend to forget is, outside of his international heroics, he was also a €5m flop at club level for West Ham.
His most memorable moment during his West Ham tenure was having a shot that went out for a throw-in.
Kim Kallström – Arsenal
His spell at the Emirates was the worst six-month stretch anyone has witnessed at a club since Katie Holmes joined Scientology – both complete with an obsessive, overly sensitive and deranged fanbase.
A Championship Manager LEGEND. Anybody who played the game in the early noughties knew all about this Swedish wonderkid, so when Arsenal signed him in 2014, there were high hopes around the club and a lot of excited football nerds waiting to see if he would turn out as good as the game predicted.
Three Premier League appearances, two months injured, and one monumental waste of time.
Radamel Falcao – Manchester United & Chelsea
At one time, Falcao was the deadliest striker in world football, yet four goals in 29 appearances for Man United told us one of two things. He had either failed to recover from a serious injury and was half the player he used to be – which is a very sad story if true – or he was in Manchester for a payday, a£265,000 per week payday, which is more likely to be true.
Falcao was also the proud owner of a dynamite agent who managed to wangle him a second Premier League loan move to Chelsea where the payday was similar. But the outcome was worse, scoring just one goal.
Arthur Melo – Liverpool
Arthur Melo played for Liverpool? *Checks Google*.
OK, Arthur did apparently join the Reds in September 2022 on a season-long loan deal and played a total of 13 minutes all season due to injury and being an unused substitute. Well, who remembers that?
Roque Junior – Leeds United
A World Cup winner and AC Milan star found himself at Elland Road in 2003.
During his seven appearances, the side let in 25 goals. He managed to see red in a 2-0 defeat against Birmingham as well as find himself on the wrong end of 4-0 and 6-1 defeats against Leicester and Portsmouth – three sides he’d probably never previously heard of.
“It was a great experience for me. I viewed the opportunity to play in the Premier League as a positive one” Roque Junior told the Guardian in 2021.
6-1 against Pompy, mate, who are you kidding?
Ali Dia – Southampton (OK, we know this was a trial and not a loan, but…)
Did Southampton boss Graeme Souness really bring Dia to the club based on a phone call from George Weah? Was Dia really George Weah’s cousin?
It feels like an old wives’ tale as there are so many unanswered questions which linger around this story, such as Dia had a trial with Tony Pulis at Division Two’s Gillingham days earlier who described him as “rubbish”, before getting the gig at Premier League Southampton.
What we do know is, according to Saints hero Matt Le Tissier who witnessed it all, Dia tricked his way into the club, tricked his way onto the pitch, was quickly found out, and did a runner two days later never to be seen again.
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