Here we go again, people.
Another dip into the wonderful world of the Full Tweet W*nkers.
And, lo, the usual suspects are still at it:
Not a headline I thought I’d wake up to after our recent run of games… and we did it without @MesutOzil1088 too.
It’s time we parted company with Mercurial Mesut, the £350k-a-week lazy luxury we don’t need to afford. #afc pic.twitter.com/lM6OO1oQzq
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) January 20, 2019
FTW is not going to point out the irony of Piers describing a professional athlete as a “lazy luxury”, as that would be cruel and uncivil, but we would like to focus on the phrase “It’s time…”
We’ve all used it at some stage in our lives, surely, but this is a bit of a staple of what FTW has chosen to call I-Know-Best Twitter. IKBT is a loose alliance of megalomaniacs who come together each day not just to profess their utter disbelief that not everyone in the world holds the same opinion as them, but also to highlight their own superior intellect.
Progressive, conservative, whatever – anyone with a hyper-inflated sense of self-importance is welcome, regardless of political or social stripe. “It’s time” is simply a neat way of identifying oneself with the movement. Fair play, Piers.
Meanwhile, over on Proper Football Man Twitter:
Oh no Mo. Please. Not again. Jon Moss wasn’t conned this time – but cut it out.
— Richard Keys (@richardajkeys) January 19, 2019
Poor old noble Richard Keys.
A man of honour, dignity and integrity. A man with a moral code so righteous that Pope Francis probably wears a Richard Keys locket around his neck.
And he’s not angry with Mo Salah, he’s just hurt. “Oh no Mo. Please. Not again.” The plaintive cries of the only good man in a world of villains.
Still, if Keysey wasn’t there to stand up for us, where would we be? Thank you for your service, Richard.
Next, we slip over to Thinly Veiled Twitter:
.. sadly, what happens these days is we all get a new manager with an exotic sounding name .. he wins half of his first dozen games – hero – then goes on a losing spiral and he gets sacked with a big pay-off to be replaced by .. a manager with an exotic sounding name .. etc .. https://t.co/3ILr8ZrJfj
— Mike Parry (@mikeparry8) January 20, 2019
WHY’S IT ALWAYS GOT TO BE A FOREIGN MANAGER, eh Mike?
I mean, for starters, their bloody names are so hard to pronounce…
In my opinion EVERTON will beat Southampton by 2 clear goals today. 2-0 or 3-1 .. we'll give their Rabbit-Hutch boss some right old bunny .. EVERTON are magic ..
— Mike Parry (@mikeparry8) January 19, 2019
Finally, well, these days it wouldn’t be FTW without a trip to Custis Corner:
Sir Rory of Hipster you are bequeathed a Monday morning tweet saying ‘if you read one thing today’
— Neil Custis (@ncustisTheSun) January 19, 2019
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
It seems Neil’s rightly unhappy at the soaring popularity of Rory Smith, a selfish bellend who goes around making everyone else look bad with his well-written, intricately researched and offbeat online articles that are read and widely praised by thousands of people.
What a delusional arsehole Smith is. It’s probably why he’s ended up having to write for the New York Times – he just couldn’t cut it at the Sun.