Juan Mata to become parking attendant at Man United when he retires ​

Another year, and a handy new job lined up


Juan Mata has secured his future at Manchester United by agreeing to become a matchday car park steward when his playing career comes to an end at Old Trafford.

The Spanish midfielder is widely regarded as one of the nicest blokes in the game and despite his legs not being able to do the business on the field anymore, United didn’t have the heart to show Mata the door this summer, offering him another year and the opportunity to continue working at the club after he quits playing.


“I’m delighted to be staying on at the club in some official capacity” the Spaniard explained, “I never wanted a career upstairs or in the backroom when my playing days were up and this exciting new opportunity is just what I’m looking for.”

His United team-mates arriving for training at Carrington after their summer break have been quick to praise Mata, who has been practising for his new job by directing the highly paid stars to their respective car parking slots at Carrington.

“He’s a natural and he carries off a hi-viz beautifully” claimed new signing Jordan Sancho after a few days with his new employer,

“He’s the first to arrive and the last to leave and is a shining example to the younger lads even if he is now sh*te on the pitch.”

VALENCIA, SPAIN – DECEMBER 12: Juan Mata of Manchester United waves to Valencia fans during the UEFA Champions League Group H match between Valencia and Manchester United at Estadio Mestalla on December 12, 2018 in Valencia, Spain. (Photo by Dan Mullan/Getty Images)

Mata has also demonstrated his entrepreneurial acumen by declaring that he is thinking of setting up his own valeting service at the training ground, offering jobs to reformed young offenders which he believes would “put something back into the local community –  and it might even make me look nicer than Marcus Rashford.”

Outgoing Exec Ed Woodward is another huge admirer of the 33-year-old who has made nearly 200 appearances for the club and he’s in no doubt that a bright future lies ahead for him when he finally hangs up his boots.

“I can see Juan on the forecourt outside Old Trafford knocking out the matchday programmes” Woodward explained, “I could also see him restacking shelves in the club megastore too and even keeping my seat warm for me before kick-off whenever I fancy coming to a game.

“The world is his oyster.”

Many ex-United players have returned to Old Trafford in some capacity, most of them in corporate hospitality.

According to former skipper now club ambassador Bryan Robson however, this would not suit a guy like Mata because he’s “ruined after a couple of glasses of rioja, so he’d be useless on the after-dinner circuit.”

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