After two games it’s already clear Newcastle are doomed. And here’s why…

Magpies fans might want to fly away now if they don’t want to read some hard hitting views…


It hasn’t been easy being a Newcastle fan over the last two decades.

It’s probably not getting any better either really is it?

We reckon they’re relegation fodder already – and here’s why:

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Rafa Revolt

We all love Rafa Benitez, everyone of us. What a bloke, here’s the thing though – he’s already come out and said his Newcastle side aren’t ready for the Premier League.

While that may very well be true, that’s a roll of the dice that ruffles a couple of boardroom feathers at best. He could be telling his squad differently, but it’s not a vote of confidence in the public domain and that’s all that matters to players these days.

The point here isn’t completely about the faults of the man everyone wishes was their uncle. It’s about the repercussions of his outspoken nature.

Mike Ashley owns a chain of discount sports shops whose adverts are enough to mortify any half sensitive human being. Despite this, he hates being embarrassed. Go figure!

More outbursts from Benitez may see him added the Newcastle United managerial merry-go-round.

This is a man who won a Champions League with Djimi Traore at left back. If any manager can work biblical miracles like that, you give him what he wants.

Toon Tantrums

As previously alluded to, there’s some jail sentences easier served than spending ninety minutes as a Newcastle fan and they’ll let you know it, too.

To be fair to them, you can’t point fingers. Years upon years of mediocrity has culminated in a city adopting a permanent zeitgeist of underachievement.

The Gallowgate has felt more disappointment than Jonjo Shelvey’s Tinder dates. The point remains – players feel it. A considerably young squad may not flourish in an environment that’s already toxic at board level.

The fans may be the only pure thing left in St. James’ Park. When they contribute to an already hostile atmosphere, it adds even more pressure.

They’re not wrong to be annoyed – but it’s a never-ending cycle of misery that’s warped a club too big for this type of misfortune.

Squad Goals

Jacob Murphy – a PR stunt due to his Newcastle roots. Siem de Jong – a man who scored once in twenty-two Premier League games.

Ayoze Perez scores once every five games at this level. Mark Hughes (Mark f****ng Hughes!) once criticised Joselu for his performances in England, that sums him up.

Aleksandar Mitrovic will spend more time appealing his suspensions than he will in the eighteen-yard box. Dwight Gayle has never made a huge difference to Crystal Palace in any of their Premier League campaigns.

Given the empty pockets of Mike Ashley’s XXL Diadora tracksuit and the even more inflated nature of the January market, things don’t look good.

Should Benitez somehow still find himself in the Newcastle dugout by January, he likely won’t be able to afford goals. Benitez prides himself on defensive shape – but unless he has a goalscorer – they’re goosed.

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What do you think?