MMA fighter, astute businessman and global big mouth Conor McGregor has publicly declared his interest in sponsoring the FAI, describing those currently in charge as “as useful as a pint of Guinness poured by an English barman”.
Speaking to journalists from his home in LA ahead of Ireland’s clash with Serbia, McGregor had some choice words whilst outlining his strategy to make Ireland the best footballing nation on the planet, and himself the greatest ever Irish footballer.
“Five points behind Luxembourg in our group, a squad full of players nobody has ever heard of and a manager who looks like a lost child in the supermarket. It’s a load of shite if you ask me,” said a furious McGregor.
“I’ve got money coming out of my arse, so I’m happy to invest in the FAI but only under these conditions.
“Firstly, I get to start up front against Serbia tonight and every game going forward and I take all of the penalties – no questions asked.
“Secondly, John Aldridge is in as manager with that fella in the yellow baseball cap from USA’94 as his assistant, and Aldo just tears strips off him foe 20 minutes as the teamtalk. And he should be handy in a fight too, which is likely to be how every match ends from here on out.
“Lastly, and most importantly, we discover my boy Cristiano once tried a breakfast roll in Mullingar while watching a Junior B hurling match as an English-language student when he was 13, which, I’m reliably informed by the Department of Foreign Affairs, is grounds to issue him with an Irish passport.
“In the unlikely scenario this is not accepted by Fifa, it’s no bother, as the bottom line is, if I say he’s Irish, he’s Irish. Who’s going to tell me otherwise?”
When asked about the long-term plan for Irish football under the McGregor regime, the 33-year-old outlined what looks like a prosperous and eventful future for the boys in green.
“I’m going to move the 2022 World Cup to Dublin where we can win it in front of our own fans with me scoring the winning goal… and that’s just the undercard.
“Directly after the match, I’m going to get into the ring with Gianni Infantino to see who’s really in charge. Then from there, who knows.”
Despite most of McGregor’s claims being a little on the wild side, he seems to have the full backing of Ireland supporters, with one excited fan speaking to Paddy Power News.
“At this moment in time, we will cling on to anything. McGregor will come into that squad as the best player, and I don’t think he’s ever kicked a ball in his life.
“Plus, even if the games are sh*te, there’s always a chance of a scrap breaking out – the FAI should make a fortune off Americans stumping up for the pay-per-view.”
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