Manchester United’s coaching staff have removed mixed martial arts and other blood sports from future training sessions after the latest injuries sustained by defensive duo Lisandro Martinez and Victor Lindelof.
Reds boss Erik ten Hag made the call ahead of Sunday’s clash against rivals Liverpool with the Dutchman identifying MMA sparring sessions as a possible reason for United’s wretched injury record this season.
‘It’s impossible to say with any degree of certainty whether MMA is responsible for the injuries, but Lisandro did feel some discomfort in his calf immediately after tapping out of a leglock by Harry Maguire’, Ten Hag told Paddy Power News.
‘We have to look carefully at the data provided by our sports science department, but they seem convinced of a direct correlation between engaging in combat sports and a higher risk of sustaining an injury’.
‘They’re also exploring possible links between Anthony Martial’s injury record this season and his brutal Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu bouts with Casemiro’.
Staff are also considering a move that will see them suggest United players pick up opponents at corners following Cole Palmer’s winner on Thursday night rather than just pointing at them and hoping someone else does, but this radical move is yet to be confirmed.
MANCHESTER, ENGLAND – SEPTEMBER 19: Erik ten Hag, Manager of Manchester United, looks on during a Manchester United Training Session at Carrington Training Ground on September 19, 2023 in Manchester, England. (Photo by Lewis Storey/Getty Images)
News of the MMA change was welcomed by United’s bruised and battered players who remain unconvinced of Ten Hag’s unorthodox training methods.
‘I remember our first pre-season training session when we saw Steve McClaren stacking cinder blocks’, United skipper Bruno Fernandes told Paddy Power News.
‘The lads couldn’t believe it when the gaffer told us we had to smash through the blocks using our heads. I think only Harry completed the task’.
‘Once the conditioning was over, we were put into pairs and told to get in the octagon. Some of the lads were crying but everyone had to fight’.
‘I got paired with Scott McTominay which I felt was unfair given that Scott is 6ft 4 and I’m built like a female long-distance runner.
‘When Scott threw his first punch which grazed my ear, I fell to canvas and rolled about while complaining to the ref. It probably saved my life in the end’.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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