Aston Villa players will turn out in “skins” for their lunchtime Premier League showdown with Brighton on Saturday.
After the team voiced concerns about the quality of the shirts that appear to cause intense sweating during matches, Unai Emery’s charges have been told to “strip off” for the visit of the Seagulls.
Despite reservations from Premier League bosses and even talk of a points deduction should they go ahead, Emery remains upbeat.
“It’s no big deal” he told reporters in Thursday’s pre-match press-conference, “The lads are being inked with their surnames and squad numbers on their backs as we speak.
“We have not got time to get the badges done so we are sellotaping Panini stickers to their chests.
“The Premier League can do whatever they want, I’m only interested in player welfare.”
Paddy Power News understands that kit manufacturer, Castore, are working around the clock to try to fix the issue, but Saturday has come too soon forcing Emery to take unprecedented action.
A source inside Villa Park told us that the kit manufacturer has been liaising with club officials in a bid to rescue their deal after it was revealed that striker Ollie Watkins lost over a stone in weight in last weekend’s win at Chelsea.
“His joggers kept falling down in the dressing room afterwards” they explained, “Even though he scoffed a 12” stuffed crust pepperoni pizza straight after the game.”
Paddy Power News has also been told that Castore representatives have taken drastic measures to try to convince Emery and his players that there is nothing to worry about, although there is growing concern for one member of staff.
A first-teamer, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained that:
“One of their blokes decided to go in the steam room with the home shirt on, to prove there was no issue. After about 20 minutes, we went in to see if he was OK but he had disappeared.
“Our initial thought was that he had dropped so much weight in such a short space of time he had actually evaporated, but he may have done a runner of course.”
Castore remains tight-lipped over the situation and has refused to comment any further. An eye-witness however, claims to have seen a bloke, matching the missing person’s description, wearing just a very soggy Villa shirt, and swimming trunks, thumbing a lift near spaghetti junction.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?
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