Newcastle fans accuse Don Goodman & big pharma over Carabao Cup draw

Jet fuel can't melt the Carabao Cup


Newcastle United fans have accused former Sunderland legend Don Goodman, large pharmaceutical companies and interstellar shapeshifting lizards of conspiring to fix Wednesday night’s Carabao Cup draw.

Eddie Howe’s side progressed to the fourth round of the competition following a hard-fought 1-0 victory over Oil Classico rivals Manchester City.

May 27 2001: Don Goodman of Walsall celebrates after the Nationwide Division Two Playoff Final between Reading and Walsall at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, Wales. Walsall won the match 3 – 2 after extra time to earn promotion. Mandatory Credit: StuForster /Allsport


After the game, ex-Black Cats striker Goodman pulled Newcastle’s No16 ball out of the bowl to hand them a tricky away trip to Old Trafford.

New FA rules stipulate that Manchester United must play all future cup games at home.

However, eagle-eyed fans spotted Goodman looking at the balls just before he drew the Magpies from the pot.

Twitter (no, we’re not having this X cr*p) account GEORDIE MAG posted footage of the draw, saying: ‘What we have here ladies and gents, is none other than ex-Sunderland player and Reptilian from the Alpha Draconis star system Don Goodman who, with the support of big pharma and the military-industrial complex, is having a good look for that number 16’.

Other Toon fans took to social media to support GEORDIE MAG’s claims, including that Goodman was a Reptilian Shapeshifter.

‘If you look at a freezeframe of Goodman while he’s looking at the No16 ball, you can clearly see his eyes briefly changed to vertical slits like a lizard’, wrote CarrollsPonyTail27235725.

Soccer Football – Champions League – Group Stage – Group H – Manchester United v Valencia – Old Trafford, Manchester, Britain – October 2, 2018 General view inside the stadium before the match REUTERS/Phil Noble

Meanwhile, former Southampton star Matt Le Tissier has waded also into the debate, posting:

‘I saw Don Goodman in the Trafford Centre once. Then he picks Newcastle out of the hat to play MANCHESTER United.

‘Makes you think, doesn’t it?’

In related news, Manchester City have announced they’ll play Shakhtar Donetsk at the Etihad in the fourth round of the Carabao Cup – despite last night’s 1-0 defeat at St James’ Park.

The news comes after a City delegation arrived at Carabao HQ this morning with sacks filled with cash.

City officials have requested any subsequent FFP charges be put on their tab.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?

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