Saudi Pro League side Al something or other have launched an audacious €100m bid to sign Rottach-Egern goalkeeper Hans Schitt.
Representatives of the Saudi club attended Rottach-Egern’s 27-0 pre-season defeat against Bayern Munich last night in which Schitt was a standout performer.
ROTTACH-EGERN, GERMANY – JULY 18: Serge Gnabry of FC Bayern Muenchen celebrates after a goal during the pre-season friendly match between FC Bayern München and FC Rottach-Egern on July 18, 2023 in Rottach-Egern, Germany. (Photo by Jasmin Walter/Getty Images)
Schitt is credited with keeping the scoreline at a respectable 27-0 when a venomous last-minute strike from Bayern forward Serge Gnabry struck the goalkeeper full force in the testicles as he was diving the wrong way.
A Saudi delegation met with Schitt after the game and thrashed out personal terms including wages of €950k and 3lb of kochwurst per week before lodging a €100m bid with the German 9th tier outfit.
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Rottach-Egern chairman Griedi Fuch immediately accepted the bid before loading the team mini-bus with bags of cash and abandoning his players at the side of the road.
‘We have spent a lot of money on Schitt’, a representative for the Saudi club told Paddy Power News.
‘He fits the profile of the type of player we are trying to bring to the Saudi Pro League.
‘For example, he owns a pair of football boots and likes money.’
‘This is just the beginning. We are planning to spend more money on these Schitt-type players.
‘One day, we hope the Saudi Pro League will be full of Schitts’.
Meanwhile, Bayern boss Thomas Tuchel has decided to end his interest in striker Harry Kane following last night’s goal avalanche.
Kane reacted to the news he’d likely remain a Spurs player for one more season by having the Arsenal club crest tattooed on his forehead and taking a sh*te on Ange Postecoglou’s desk.
‘Despite the speculation, Harry has given us no indication he wishes to leave Tottenham’, chairman Daniel Levy told Paddy Power News while lifting the England striker’s waste matter off Postecoglou’s desk with a doggie poo bag.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% nonsense, but you knew that already… didn’t you?
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