Nottingham Forest are understood to have made a special request to Premier League chiefs to register 170 players to their squad and to be allowed to make 11 substitutions per game, Paddy Power News understands.
Having signed 0.5% of the planet’s total professional footballers this summer, the club’s hierarchy is said to be “concerned” not everybody will get minutes this coming season.
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An increased substitution quote every game, plus an introduction of Nottingham Forest B Team, C Team, D Team, E Team, and a Vets side with Stuart Pearce as captain, could be enough to give all new signings the chance to “at least kick a ball once” during the 2022/23 season.
“The boss turned up for training last week and didn’t have a clue who was stood in front of him.
“Obviously he recognised promising youngster Jesse Lingard who was doing a dance routine for his TikTok followers at the time, but the rest of those players he couldn’t pick out of a line-up,” confirmed a Forest coach.
“Apparently, we’ve just signed somebody called Gibbs-White for £45m. None of us had ever heard of him until a few hours ago.
“I’ll be honest, I’ve tried to do a bit of research on him but he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page so now I’m beginning to think he’s just a random bloke who walked in off the street.
“If he’s done it, how many other imposters do we have in our squad?”
With confusion spreading around the City Ground about who can play football and who’s simply there for the fun of it, Paddy Power News spoke to an anonymous source within the club who had this to say on the transfer activity and season ahead.
“During the induction session everybody was asked to wear nametags, just to help us all remember who one another is,” a club source explained.
“We had men, women, children, animals, and random objects hanging around the place and eating the free sandwiches.
“In training the other day, there was an alpaca at centre-half and a washing machine playing at false nine.”
“I’m also sure I saw Pierre Van Hooijdonk doing a few laps of the pitch on his own.
“It’s all got a bit weird, but I guess I can’t knock the strength in depth.
“Plus I’ve been told Real Madrid don’t want Eden Hazard any longer, so you can bet your house on it that he will appear in a Forest training kit at some stage next week.”
With the football world on high alert that Nottingham Forest will quite literally sign anyone or anything offered to them, representatives from Barcelona are believed to be enroute to the UK with Martin Braithwaite tied up and gagged in the boot of the car.
They expect a deal of around £75m to be finalised for the Danish attacker before this weekend’s fixtures.
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