Exclusive – Masters Snooker finalists to wear mankinis

Where *is* the cue ball going?!?

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World Snooker has confirmed that Sunday’s finalists in the Masters tournament at Alexandra Palace, will wear mankinis rather than the traditional black tie and waistcoat.

The governing body are aiming to “sex up” the sport, but this new ruling has angered some of the top players.

Seven times world champion Ronnie O’Sullivan, took time out after his quarter-final win over Barry Hawkins to tell Paddy Power News:

“I’ve spent the past two days on the practice table wearing a mankini and it’s left me red raw in places you don’t want to be red raw.

“Using the extender with your pants caught in your backside is not comfortable and not pretty I can tell you and don’t get me started on where I have to keep the chalk!”

Former World Champion Neil Robertson, who was knocked out of the tournament earlier in the week, feels he is one of the lucky ones:

“Thank f**k I’m still not in it,” the Australian declared. “Nobody wants to see me in just a mankini and shiny shoes. I’d look like a giant cotton bud.

“I was under the impression that we wanted to try to increase viewing figures, not wipe them out.”

Defending Masters champion Judd Trump on the other hand, did not seem too bothered by the new directive.

“So, what if we all need to do a little more manscaping, I’ll play in the buff if they want me to.”

With snooker popularity among the younger generations diminish and darts going through a resurgence, the behemoths of the baize are throwing envious glances in the direction of the their tungsten-twiddling comrades.

One tour insider told us: “Snooker has a reputation for attracting an older fanbase and this must change if we want to move forward. This radical revamp is just the start, we have other ideas in the pipeline. I can’t say too much, but let’s just say, jet-packs, remote control cueballs and online polls to decide what shot a player should take next are all being considered.

Our source went on to explain the need for such radical changes.

“Back in the 80’s we had ‘Hurricane’ Alex Higgins and ‘The Whirlwind’ Jimmy White. These days, most players wouldn’t qualify as a stiff breeze, let alone a sub-tropical storm.

“Apart from Ronnie O’Sullivan and Judd Trump, the majority of them seem like cures for insomnia. The other night, the cleaners had to wake half a dozen people so they could lock up.

“It’s high time to get the ‘Jester from Leicester’ – that’s Mark Selby by the way – in Lycra,” they concluded.

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