Wales international Louis Rees-Zammit has decided to turn his back on rugby union in a bid to pursue an NFL career and is said to be “delighted” at the prospect of playing a sport where you get to wear shoulder pads and a helmet.
The former Gloucester winger admitted to friends the choice to switch to NFL was “a no brainer” after seeing his favourite pop star Rihanna sing at Super Bowl 2023, something which is understood to have played a major part in the decision-making process.
“He’s a big fan and can’t wait sing along to bangers like Umbrella or Rude Boy before kick-off rather than Land of My Fathers or Bread of Heaven,” said his friend to national press.
“He’s also pumped at the idea of having a stoppage every six seconds in a sport where he’s dressed like he’s wearing an 80s power suit.
“He’s always loved a bit of fancy dress and American Psycho’s one of his favourite movies so we think this move will really suit him.”
The speedy Welsh winger is expected to fly to America to join the NFL’s International Player Pathway later this week, where he believes he’ll be personally greeted by Will Smith and a coach load of female dancers at Miami Airport, before being chauffeur driven to Ocean Drive where he will spend seven days at “frat parties” with rapper Flo-Rida and drinking watered down beer from those red cups.
However, rugby observers believe he’ll be back within three months.
“He won’t last out there in all that sunshine with Taylor Swift appearing everywhere he turns, trust me,” said one sceptical Welsh fan.
While another suggested he’ll soon get tired of having his face forcibly pressed into the sweaty manboobs of a 350lb blubber ball named Bubba for hours every day. And there are also doubts about how he’ll cope with the culture clash between American football and rugby.
“What sort of team initiation will he have in America? Being forced to drink Gatorade or Mountain Dew – whatever the f**k that is?! Spare me,” one fan said.
“I assure you he’ll miss drinking a pint of his own p*ss to impress the chaps, you wait and see.”
“Nothing binds a team like a pack of rugby lads on a night out down the Valleys, all wearing boot cut jeans, necking 17 pints of Stella and setting their own farts alight,
“You just won’t get that in Orange County,” they opined.
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