In a desperate move to sex up the January sales, Netflix are set to release “Transfer Window – The Movie” in the coming week, Paddy Power News understands.
And we’ve obtained exclusive access to behind-the-scenes footage, which sees some of Hollywood’s A-list stars appearing in the roles of well-known Premier League personalities.
Filming started last spring on the brainchild of Lock, Stock director Guy Ritchie, who was given unlimited access to some of English footballs biggest clubs to help with the project.
Using mainly handheld cameras for dramatic effect, the story centres around 24 hours in the lives of some of the Premier League’s top managers, as they battle it out with each other to try to make marquee signings for their respective squads.
Although Ritchie was obviously given artistic licence, with playing legends such as Diego Maradona (Danny Devito), George Best (James Nesbit) and Eric Cantona (played by himself) all part of the storyline, Paddy Power News was told that the British film-maker tried to be as authentic as possible with his final cut, making the January window feel as mundane as possible.
If that’s not whetted your appetite, here’s a taster of what else to expect:
Matt Damon as Jurgen Klopp
Or ”Der Gaffer” as he likes to be called in the dressing-room. Klopp is a man on the edge, brilliant but temperamental with teeth that can be seen from outer space. Forget new signings, he’s more interested in ridding the world of anti-vaxxers and rampaging through the Anfield boardroom as he tries to convince the club to give Mo Salah a new contract.
Judi Dench as Amanda Staveley
Thinking she has her finger on the pulse of the transfer market, Staveley is seen driving the streets of Newcastle on her hands-free in the quest to bring top talent – Kylian Mbappe, Erling Haaland, errr, Ben Brereton Diaz? – but has to settle for Chris Wood and Andy Carroll returning on a trial.
Jason Statham as Eddie Howe
Working alongside her, a young gunslinger from the south who will try to turn Newcastle United into the biggest club in the Championship through a quiet, steely determination and a willingness to throw eight-figure transfer fees at anyone with an England U-21 cap, ‘Wor Eddie’ will go to hell and back – or Bournemouth reserves anyway – to get the players he wants.
Christopher Walken as Ralph Rangnick
Rangnick is a coach who’s not afraid to play Russian Roulette with players’ futures. Ralph puts 17 players on the January transfer list and replaces them with the double-winning side of 1996.
Watch out for the scene where he trashes Marcus Rashford’s waffle maker.
Bruce Willis as Pep Guardiola
A style icon who has used a country’s fortune to turn Manchester City into a footballing powerhouse. the Catalan, whose biggest other achievement is turning The Etihad into the quietest stadium in world football, offers Pele all the Viagra in the world to join City only to be gazumped by United at the last minute.
He then strips to his vest, takes off his shoes and abseils down Old Trafford’s main stand as he attempts to intercept the crucial fax that will seal the deal.
Sylvester Stallone as a roving TV transfer reporter
Known for playing a fearless Vietnam veteran, 24-hours outside Old Trafford in January is a piece of p**s. Fending off hysterical fans celebrating the imminent arrival of a third-rate striker while being pelted with rubber willies goes, this will be box office without having to pay 25 quid for the privilege.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*
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