* Dear Dychey, Paddy Power’s Agony Uncle column is not written by anyone who could even pass for a current Premier League manager. Any apparent resemblance to one is purely coincidental.
Our sage of sound sporting sense is here again to provide some clear counsel and worldly wisdom.
Dr Dychey (Definitely Not Sean Dyche, we promise), please come down from your eco-friendly hut in the mountains and drop your knowledge bombs on your adoring public! We can’t wait any longer.
Remember when Mario Balotelli lifted up his shirt and it read ‘why always me’? That’s how I feel at the moment. Senior players at the club I manage are starting to turn on me yet again, I can’t break this cycle of bickering with my star player (again) and the media are starting to call for my job which has happened before on numerous occasions in the past decade.
Now there’s a Frenchman with a bald head almost as glorious as yours Dr Dychey sniffing around my job as well. I just can’t seem to get out of this rut, am I the problem? Why can’t I seem to stop history repeating itself?
Yours holed up in a Manchester hotel,
Dr Dychey: They say the definition of madness is doing the exact same thing over and over again, expecting things to change – just ask Theresa May how that works out!
I know you are a regular writer to me Mour Jo, but I’m glad you might finally be accepting that you need to get out of this unhealthy cycle and that it’s you that needs to change. Maybe some time away will do you good, may I suggest my ‘Spiritual Wellness’ weekend in Fleetwood next month. The sea air might do you good.
As for star players and their egos, the solution is easy my friend – don’t have any! Buy a ton of workhorses from the Championship. Sure, you’ll win nothing. However, you may even grab a Europa League spot and everyone will love you for it.
‘Low expectations lead to big gains’ is the mantra I live my life by.
* P.S. I can’t offer much advice on the bald-headed Frenchman, my objectivity is compromised in that regard.
My two bosses insist on making me run about like a dog chasing its tail for every minute of my work day. But, I always sleep great – especially in my ‘I love Tottenham’ sheets, so why does everyone keep telling me I look jaded?
Writing to you on mile 20 from the training ground treadmill,
Dr Dychey: Ah HK, it’s not nice when you seem to be the subject of the headlines and in my younger days, before I found enlightenment, I was known for flogging my players to the brink of exhaustion in training and matches too.
That all changed when Jonathan Walters, my lifestyle guru arrived into training last summer. I’ve never seen a man who knew how to rest so brilliantly – just ask Roy Keane about it! If you are looking to realign your chakras, why not enrol in Dr Dychey’s 30-class Meditation Course?
We’ve brought in Mick McCarthy who knows all the modern techniques as the course tutor and you can do one class for £10,000 or all 30 for £299,500. It can’t be any fairer than that…