Lampard ties himself to Chelsea goalpost in protest at Mount sale

Batman costume scaling Big Ben if this doesn't work


Former Chelsea boss Frank Lampard tied himself to a goalpost on the Stamford Bridge pitch in protest at the club’s decision to sell Mason Mount.

The 45-year-old used a cable tie to attach himself to the post by the neck upon hearing the club were in talks with Manchester United over the sale of their once prized academy asset.

LONDON, ENGLAND – APRIL 18: A general view inside Stamford Bridge Stadium is seen prior to the UEFA Champions League quarterfinal second leg match between Chelsea FC and Real Madrid at Stamford Bridge on April 18, 2023 in London, United Kingdom. (Photo by Gaspafotos/MB Media/Getty Images)

Lampard was removed only after half a dozen people with bolt cutters were deployed.

‘I’ve made a right fool of myself, and I promise not to do it again’, Lampard told Paddy Power News, while being frog marched off the pitch by Stamford Bridge security.

‘No but seriously. I’m going to cable tie myself to another goalpost’, he screamed, after wriggling free and sprinting in the direction of the penalty area.

Upon reattaching himself to the Shed End goalframe, the former midfielder sang ‘We Shall Not Be Moved’ while sobbing uncontrollably.

Meanwhile, Mason Mount is hoping to emulate another former Chelsea star who made the switch to Old Trafford.

‘I want to be the next Juan Mata’, revealed the 24-year-old.

‘A Champions League winner with Chelsea who went on to become one of the greatest bloggers in Manchester United’s history’.

Juan Mata Manchester United LASK Europa League August 5, 2020

‘I spoke to Juan on the phone, and he told me if I keep my head down and work hard in training, the coaching staff at United would develop my game and turn me into a makeshift left-winger or Carabao Cup starter’.

In related news, seismologists are claiming the recent tremors felt across the UK were caused by Chelsea fans repeatedly tapping the delete key on their keyboards.

‘The deletion of hundreds of thousands of tweets proclaiming that Mason Mount was the next Frank Lampard by Chelsea fans caused a 3.0 magnitude earthquake today’, one seismologist told Paddy Power News.

‘We haven’t seen one that size since the one that ripped through Merseyside when Jude Bellingham signed for Real Madrid’.

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is 100% fake news. Honest.

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