Ahead of a potentially pivotal El Clasico clash this weekend, Barcelona have confirmed pop icon Shania Twain will start in the trequartista role for the blaugrana following a request from their sponsors, Spotify.
With the launch of her new album, which includes a Harry Styles cover, the country-pop music singer has been on a promotional push everywhere in recent weeks.
Now, aged 57, she finds herself dropped directly into Barcelona’s starting XI for the meeting with their biggest rivals to boost streams and sales of her latest release.
“Shania is a class act who will bring a lot of experience and leadership at a critical time of the season,” said Barcelona manager Xavi following the revelation that Spotify would activate a team selection clause in their sponsorship deal for this game.
“Watching her play slightly behind Robert Lewandowski will be a sight to behold. In terms of creativity, passing range and ginger hair, she reminds me of peak Paul Scholes,” he continued.
“And I have no f*cking choice about it because the club’s broke so I have to play her.”
Bigwigs at the global music streaming platform believe her involvement will not only improve numbers for he album, but also add a certain pizazz to the side which has been missing since the departure of Lionel Messi.
“It’s just what this club needs, ” a spokesman for the streaming giant said when contacted.
“Don’t be surprised if you see Sam Smith in goal, Taylor Swift as a midfield enforcer or Lizzo up-front next season at the Spotify Nou Camp.”
When approached by local press regarding her thoughts on rivals Real Madrid progressing in the Champions League, Twain is believed to have replied “that don’t impress me much” bursting into her classic hit from the 90s, in a moment that definitely wasn’t set up by the Catalans social media team.
“Real Madrid’s Camavinga, Militao and Rudiger will need to be at their very best if they are going to keep Twain quiet for 90 minutes, at least literally speaking. I mean, she’s sold over 100m records in her illustrious career, so is bound to deliver a few notes during the game,” a local Barcelona reporter told us.
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“But as player she’s sh*te. They’ll have her in their back pocket all game. This is a farce really,” they explained.
Further rumours coming from the Camp Nou suggests that should Barcelona win the fixture and go 12 points clear at the top of the table, there will be an obligatory 12-hour techno afterparty for all supporters in the stadium.
Consisting of the best dance music playlists Spotify has to offer, the global music streaming platform is excited to see producers earn their £0.00000001p every time their track is played. They’ve recommended fans bring their glowsticks!
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense and that’s the truth. Honest.
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