Tuesday’s World Cup clash between England and Wales will now take place in Tenerife, FIFA have confirmed.
Al Rayyan’s Ahmad Bin Ali Stadium was the original venue for the game, but football’s world governing body decided the popular British holiday destination would be a more ‘suitable setting’ for both nation’s fans.
FIFA revealed the match will be played on a cobblestone street outside a row of bars and nightclubs in Playa de las Américas, with hundreds of inebriated British holidaymakers cheering on their teams from the side-lines.
The game will be stopped every fifteen minutes to allow players to take some fluids on board such as peach schnapps or some p*ss-like lager.
‘We just felt the English and Welsh fans would prefer to watch the game while polishing off a few fishbowls of booze’, Gianni Infantino told Paddy Power News.
‘And it’s not as if the Qatari fan zones are serving up pints and toasties for breakfast’, added the 52-year-old.
Business owners were seen setting out extra bar stools, with huge numbers of sunburnt beer-bellied men descending upon the busy tourist attraction.
‘Lobbing furniture around can be tiring work – particularly in this heat. These stools will provide everyone with a few seconds respite between throws’, she added.
Meanwhile, FIFA are also set to tear up their own 92-page Equipment Regulation style guide and allow players on both sides to wear three-quarter length cargo trousers, bucket hats and knock-off designer sliders during the game.
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‘England came to us after they were booed for drawing 0-0 with USA’, explained Infantino.
‘They asked permission to wear something which might bridge the divide between the fans and the players, such as these counterfeit rubber sandals.
‘We’ve also give both team captains permission to wear Stone Island armbands, before it kicks-off’.
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