England v USA: FA to change to Soccer Association if US win

MLS winners to be named World Champions too

The FA have confirmed they will rename their organisation the ‘Soccer Association’ if England lose their World Cup game against the USA tonight.

It’s understood the rebranding is the result of a drunken pre-tournament wager between former UK Prime minister Boris Johnson and his US counterpart ex-President Donald Trump.

However, should the Three Lions emerge victorious from this evening’s Group B clash, the NFL confirmed the US national sport will be renamed ‘Crash Helmet Rugby’.

A victory for Gareth Southgate’s side could also see Snickers revert to Marathon and force the Americans to stop referring to nappies as diapers.

Crouchy’s Shouts – Kane the key in England v USA clash

‘This is more than a game of football’, England captain Harry Kane told Paddy Power News.

‘It’s about years of unnecessary confusion. Like crisps being called chips and chips being called fries.

‘It’s about calling a biscuit a cookie and calling a scone a biscuit’.

‘And worst of all, calling an a*se a fanny’.

Meanwhile, USA skipper Tyler Adams is relishing the opportunity to Americanise some peculiar British translations.

USA Coach, Gregg Berhalter

AUSTIN, TX – JUNE 10: Head Coach of United States Gregg Berhalter gestures during CONCACAF Nations League match between Grenada and United States at Q2 Stadium on June 10, 2022 in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Omar Vega/Getty Images)

‘We will dedicate this victory to all the little British children who were forced to grow up saying ‘Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles instead of Teenage Mutant NINJA Turtles’.

‘We will dedicate this victory to all the British children who were forced to call Sega Genesis a Megadrive’.

‘And all those little children who spent countless hours searching for Wally when they should’ve been out there looking for my man Waldo’.


Paddy Power News also understands the repatriation of several transatlantic-hopping celebs is riding on the result of the game.

‘The permanent residences of James Corden, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, David and Victoria Beckham, all hinge upon the outcome of this match’, revealed a source close to Trump.

‘However, both nations agreed to send Piers Morgan to Canada irrespective of the score’.

*Paddy Powers Football news coverage is 100% nonsense


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