Ronaldo recovering after Piers Morgan’s head removed from a*se

Ronnie's not happy. Still.

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Cristiano Ronaldo is said to be recovering well after undergoing a complicated 4-hour procedure to have Piers Morgan’s head surgically removed from his a*se.

Morgan’s head got lodged up Ronaldo’s backside while conducting an interview with the Portuguese about his disillusionment with life at Manchester United.

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Doctors claim the operation was a success and they successfully extracted around 95% of the Talk TV presenter’s head.

‘We can confirm Mr Ronaldo underwent a Piers-rectomy this morning’, Dr Steph O’Scope told Paddy Power News.

‘Having a head surgically removed from your a*se is tricky enough but to have a head the size of Piers Morgan’s removed is a different ball game entirely’.

‘I mean, have you seen the size of that thing? It’s so big his passport photo’s on two pages!’

‘The operation was a success. Mr Ronaldo is sitting up in bed and reading through his sister’s passive-aggressive Instagram posts about Erik Ten Hag’.

When asked if they also managed to remove Rio Ferdinand’s head from the 5-time Ballon D’or winner’s rear, the doctor said:

‘No. It’s just lodged too far up there’.

In the wake of Ronaldo’s explosive interview, Manchester United have released a statement praising the 37-year-old’s performance.

‘It was undoubtedly Cristiano’s best 90 minutes of the season’, said a club spokesperson.

‘We’d like to thank him for throwing everyone including the club chef under a bus before f**king off on a plane to Qatar’.

Meanwhile, with speculation mounting that Ronaldo has played his last game in a Manchester United shirt, the Old Trafford outfit have been linked with a host of former strikers who could replace him.

‘Mark Hughes, Andy Cole and Dennis Law have been earmarked as potential replacements’, a club source told Paddy Power News.

‘They fit in the criteria in that they used to play for the club before it was sh*t, they’re well past their prime and they wouldn’t cost the owners a penny to sign’.

Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is just complete nonsense, every word of it. Honest.

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