Arteta adds Neil Buchanan to Arsenal backroom staff after Amazon doc

Okay, let's start with crayons

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Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta has added artist and former CITV presenter Neil Buchanan to his backroom staff ahead of their new Premier League campaign.

The appointment comes following criticism of the Spaniard’s artistic talents which were laid bare during a preview of the Amazon docu-series ‘All or Nothing: Arsenal’.

In the excerpt, the 40-year-old sketches out a heart, a brain and an Arsenal fan on a whiteboard during a pre-match team talk ahead of a crucial North London derby.

It prompted some experts to claim that Arteta possessed the same artistic abilities as a visually impaired arthritic goat.

‘Once Mikel has mastered finger painting, we can try something more advanced like stick men or bubble writing’, Buchanan told Paddy Power News.

‘Becoming an artist doesn’t happen overnight. There’s a popular phrase down here. People need to trust the process’, he added.

Buchanan spoke with the Gunners’ first-team squad as they prepare to take on Crystal Palace in the 2022/23 season curtain raiser at Selhurst Park tomorrow night.

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The Art Attack host was seen arriving at Arsenal’s training complex carrying a box containing various arts and crafts materials including felt pens, poster paint and PVA glue.

Arteta called an impromptu team meeting upon Buchanan’s arrival, during which the 65-year-old displayed his incredible artistic talents.

‘This is an Arsenal attack. This is an Arsenal attack. This IS Arsenal attack’, said Buchanan while throwing glitter at a drawing of Gabriel Jesus he’d smeared in Pritt Stick.

‘Now you can try this at home and create your very own Arsenal attack’, he said while handing the finished article to the Brazilian striker.

Meanwhile, Paddy Power News understands a puppet stone bust known as ‘The Head’ will also join the Gunners’ backroom staff and will report directly to Buchanan.

However, a Dutch talking palm tree called Vincent Van Coconut has declined the offer to follow the pair at the Emirates Stadium.

*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*

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