Whichever team loses Saturday’s clash between Everton and Manchester United at Goodison Park will be forced into liquidation, the Premier League have confirmed.
In what’s been billed by the media as the ‘Survival of the Sh*ttest’, relegation-threatened Everton will take on Europa Conference League hopefuls Manchester United with the loser being served with a winding-up order.
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‘Whoever loses this one doesn’t deserve to exist,’ a spokesperson on behalf of the Premier League told Paddy Power News.
‘Both sets of supporters will be thinking: “If we can’t beat this shower of sh*te, then we might as well just pack it in.”
‘We don’t think fans of either side could suffer the indignity of carrying on after such a humiliating loss.
‘Liquidating the defeated party would be the most humane thing to do under the circumstances’.
Manchester United interim manager Ralf Rangnick welcomed the news.
‘Having worked with the players for several months now, my own personal recommendation to the board at the end of the season was going to be a liquidation anyway’.
‘At least now there’s a chance I’ll be put out of my misery before June’.
However, the German remained coy on which club he thought would emerge victorious.
‘Everton and United are so sh*te, it’s not impossible that both sides could somehow lose this game’.
‘It’s very difficult to predict the outcome. The only thing we know for sure is that Donny van de Beek will be on the bench’.
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