Everton to consult more graffiti before deciding on Lampard’s future ​

Bloke with a spray can for the Director of Football job?

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The Everton board has decided it will consult more graffiti around Goodison Park before making a decision on Frank Lampard’s future at the club, Paddy Power News understands.

The Toffees suffered a humiliating 3-2 defeat to fellow strugglers Burnley on Wednesday night and look set for the drop following a run of just three wins in 21 games.

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Manager Frank Lampard is under huge pressure having been appointed in January following the uncovering of Rafa Benitez’s mission to take down the club from the inside, and some are wondering if the Chelsea legend might need to be replaced already having won just two league games in nine.

Now, members of the board are said to regret following advice from graffiti sprayed outside the club when they appointed the 43-year-old ahead of fan hero Duncan Ferguson or someone called Vitor Pereira.

“They feel they could’ve cast the net wider,” our source on Merseyside said following the Burnley result.

“Toilet doors, back alleys, a lot of the seats in Goodison have loads of random stuff scrawled on them – you never know, the answer to the club’s problems could be written on one of them.”

Initial reports from a survey of Goodison Park’s anonymous messages and images have been described as “positive” by some close to the new search.

“Our expert headhunters have discovered ‘Wazza woz here 19/10/2002’ on one of the benches in the changing room and are making inquiries as to the possibility of his return,” we were told by a senior figure.

Frank Lampard Chelsea Champions League

“And they are said to be keen to confirm whether or not ‘Big Dunc is a blue 4 life’ by putting him in charge of washing the kits and cleaning the first team boots in cost-saving measure ahead of the possible relegation.”

“However, they’ve still to determine whether a phone number found in one of the stalls will deliver on the promised ‘good time’ for the club, though we’ll let fans know as soon as the necessary checks have been carried out.”

As of now, Frank Lampard is still in charge and remains in a positive frame of mind about his own position despite results.

“Obviously a lot of the responsibility falls on me for the way we’re playing, conceding goals and generally just completely shambolic in all aspects of the game.”

“But seriously, the players are dogsh*t and I can’t believe I have to work with them every day.”

“I wouldn’t trust them in an egg’n’spoon race against a bunch of 7-year-olds at the moment.”

“Not that you can say that to them because their confidence is rock bottom.”

“Still, Dominic’s picked up a few bargains in the TK Maxx here so it’s not been a complete waste of a trip.”

Next up for the Toffees it’s Manchester United at Goodison Park on Saturday, where both sets of players will be keen to show they are marginally less useless than their underperforming opponents.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*

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