Watford job description leaked: ‘You’ll get 12 months – or until you p*ss us off’

The Hornets are looking for yet another manager - anyone got Big Sam's number? - and we've got the inside track on what they're looking for


Watford have had enough of yet another manager – they’ve already sacked three this season – with Nigel Pearson packing his bags and moving on after an apparent falling out with club owner Gino Pozzo.

He lifted the struggling side from seven points adrift at the bottom of the table to probable survival in the space of a few months, but a training ground disagreement after a winless return post-lockdown with the club’s owner.

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No Horents boss has lasted longer than two years since Malky Mackay in 2009.

And Paddy Power News has obtained a copy of the job description furnished to League Manager’s Association, agents across Europe and Sports Interactive to forward to the creme-de-la-creme of Football Manager players…

About us:

Watford Football Club is is a family-run club that aims to create a warm, welcoming atmosphere for all new staff members for approximately 6-to-12 months until you p*ss us off

About the team:

We have assembled a team of dedicated, professional and determined players using our globe-spanning network of talent scouts, and if you don’t like them you won’t have to stick around too long with them anyway.

What you’ll achieve with us:

Approximately 36 games at max, possibly fewer, plus any cup runs

Roughly 34 to 42 points. While it is possible your team will earn more than that, it will be achieved in such a grim fashion that we won’t even consider another season with you in charge

Not losing by double-digits to Manchester City

Manchester City's Spanish midfielder David Silva (C) scores the team's first goal during the English FA Cup final football match between Manchester City and Watford at Wembley Stadium in London, on May 18, 2019. (Photo by Daniel LEAL-OLIVAS / AFP) / NOT FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING USE / RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE (Photo credit should read DANIEL LEAL-OLIVAS/AFP/Getty Images)

.Who you are:

•You are an experienced manager who is able to bring together players of varying talent levels for the common goal of finishing between 11th and 17th in the Premier League

You are capable of not forming lasting bonds with players or staff beyond the approximate 6-to-12 month span of your time with the club

Ideally, you will know how to massage ownership expectations just enough to last until the end of the season

You will have the team playing just well enough to survive without Troy Deeney, but not so well that Troy Deeney doesn’t go straight back in the team when fit

You will have “The Greatest Hits of Elton John” on repeat in your car stereo for the duration of your time in Watford


Skills & abilities we are looking for:

Managing expectations – You can acquire and maintain high-level contacts across numerous industries
Positive attitude – The players, the fans your staff, the tea lady, everyone knows you’re gone at the end of the season at best, so embracing that and maintaining a positive outlook is essential
Quick learner – There’s a lot to get used to, and you’ve only a limited amount of time at the club, so the sooner you’re up to speed, the better
Ambitious – You are driven to improve and will accept nothing less than 11th to 17th

Staff benefits you can expect:

• Gym membership, mindfulness sessions with Jose Holebas and free yoga.
• Extensive telecommunication facilities for contact with your family – you’re not actually going to move them here for one year, are you?
• Fresh fruit
• If it’s going sh*t, you won’t have to stick around

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