Screw the Swedes! Paddy’s plot to protect Ireland’s Eurovision record

If you can’t do it for your country, do it for Johnny Logan.

Paddy’s launched a new ‘Screw The Swedes’ campaign, calling on our European brethren to help Ireland retain the title as Eurovision Song Contest record holders.

Swedish ‘queen’ Loreen is an odds-on shot to help her country equal Ireland’s tally of seven wins in the competition.

So, we’re staging a global intervention in an attempt to halt Sweden’s pursuit of Ireland’s most prized place in Eurovision folklore.

Our seven victories in the all-important singing showdown defines us as a nation and our reputation is at stake – one that Dana, Linda Martin, Niamh Kavanagh, Paul Harrington and Charlie McGettingan and Eimear Quinn fought on the international stage in ridiculous outfits for.

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So, if you can’t do it for Ireland, do it for Johnny Logan. If Loreen wins, not only will she have overthrown us as rulers of the Song Contest stage, he’ll lose his place as the only performer ever to have won it more than once.

Up to now, aficionados could tear us down for sending turkeys and Jedward, but they could never take our record away from us.

It’s clear we’ve lost our way, so our only hope is to send the Swedes flat-packing… even if their song is an absolute banger.

And Paddy’s weaponised Sweden’s best known export, taking a leaf from the book of their globally famous, budget friendly home furnishing chain and using IKEA’s tactics against them to assemble fans and communicate in a common language that unites (and frustrates) us all; flatpack instructions.

With both punters and pundits tipping Loreen’s ‘Tattoo’ to steal the show, Paddy’s pleading with viewers to dodge giving them Douze Points and protect Ireland’s record.

Ahead of the official opening ceremony at Liverpool Arena, Paddy’s been busy creating a bespoke instruction manual for Eurovision fans which provides step-by-step instructions on how to ‘Screw the Swedes’, appealing to everyone to vote for anyone but the nordic juggernaut.

Eurovision Irish entry Wild Youth didn’t help the cause by not making it out of Tuesday’s first semi-final, but it’s not too late to do your bit.

For the latest and most up to date odds on the Eurovision Song Contest click here and folllow this link for Saturday night’s Eurovision betting tips.

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