Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta has confirmed problematic striker Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang has been cast in a leading role at the 2021 Arsenal Football Club pantomime, Peter Pan.
Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal that having been stripped of the Arsenal captaincy in recent weeks, Aubameyang is set for further public humiliation in this special Christmas production.
Emile Smith-Rowe will play the role of Peter Pan who takes on and beats the villainous pirate Captain Hook played by Aubameyang, stripping him first of his captaincy, then his hook, then his dignity, before feeding him to a crocodile called Tick-Tock in front of the rest of the squad and 60,000 Arsenal fans.
“Emile’s delighted with his little green leotard and pointy shoes. He’s got Bukayo Saka, Gabriel Martinelli and Ben White joining him as the Lost Boys who venture down to Neverland to defeat the nasty Captain Hook and his monstrous friends in a battle of young vs old and good vs evil,” confirmed Arteta.
“We’ve hired a massive boat to sit in the middle of the pitch where we expect to make Auba and an array of other top-class villains walk the plank.
“Mesut Ozil will be joining us playing the role of Smee. We’ve got Pepe Reina forcing a Barcelona shirt onto Cesc Fabregas in what should be a brilliant cameo from the pair.
“We’ve even managed to get Robin Van Persie back playing himself, just because we f*cking hate him too so will be fun for our fans to boo him.”
“There was talk of getting Ruud Van Nistelrooy to join us and have Martin Keown dance around him, but local police warned us that his presence could be a step too far so best he stays away.”
Rounding off the cast will be former Arsenal favourite and the real Romford Pele, Ray Parlour, playing the role of Wendy.
Arsenal have confirmed tickets are priced at £30 each and can be found on the official website.
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