Thousands of Manchester United fans have signed a petition begging FIFA to extend the international break indefinitely, Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal.
The recent round of World Cup Qualifiers offered the Old Trafford faithful a two-week reprieve from the living hell which is being a United supporter.
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Having been spared the ordeal of watching their beloved team get pulled apart like a pork loin in a gentrified restaurant, many fans have grown accustomed to their new, happier, way of life.
The sweet relief of the international break has been so overwhelming in fact, that thousands of United fans are lobbying FIFA to extend it indefinitely.
The petition, addressed to FIFA president Gianni Infantino, reads:
‘We, the beleaguered plenty, beseech the just and honourable Gianni Infantino to extend the international break for the foreseeable future’.
‘The intolerable suffering inflicted upon Manchester United supporters by their club this season surely contravenes the provisions of the Geneva Conventions Act 1957’.
‘A resumption of the domestic football programme will only ensure this unspeakable act of cruelty continues’.
‘Our broken and dispirited fans were afforded a brief respite from McFred, Maguire and opposition chants of ‘Ole’s at the Wheel’.
‘During this time, we rediscovered the joy which had been sorely lacking in our lives. Please, we beg of you, don’t subject us to another 90 minutes of ‘McKenna Ball’.
‘Yours wearily, Manchester United fans’.
However, upon hearing the news, opposition supporters rallied together to petition FIFA themselves.
‘International breaks are sh*te lads’, read the petition.
‘That’s two whole weeks without seeing United get beaten or being able to take the p*ss out of their fans’.
‘I’d rather watch a 6-part Netflix series about Ed Sheeran filling in a tax return than watch England beat a bunch of postmen 10-0’.
‘Just scrap the qualifiers all together and go straight to a 211 team two-month long tournament every summer’.
‘That should tide us over until the Premier League kick-off’.
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