Paddy Power’s transfer deadline day liveblog is back!
Now with 50% more added bullsh*t, out-right lies and #fakenews rumours, get ready for a rollercoaster ride that’ll leave a trail of millions of quid streaming behind it and into the welcoming arms of Unnamed Sleazy Football Agent.
If nonsense forwarded from your mate’s mate’s Whatsapp chat with his cousin who once worked as a steward at United doesn’t quell your hunger for 100% unverified rubbish about who’s going where and for how much, you’re in the right place.
That’s right – it’s Transfer Deadline Day once again… and it’s LIVE!
Monday 23:04 |
Boom! Was that car backfiring? Nope…
It was the window being slammed shut.
As ever, it’s over much too soon. Still, we’ll always have the memories of Liverpool, rather than United, desperately scrambling for last-minute deals and Sam Allardyce coming out on top in a three-way battle for Ainsley Maitland-Niles.
Josh King to Everton and Willock to Newcastle look to be sealed, while Minamino’s move is still alive as the all-important offer sheet has been… well, offered, I suppose.
West Brom and Liverpool look like winners after getting their deals done, especially as Joel Matip’s been confirmed to be out for the rest of the season tonight.
No pressure, Ben Davies.
Losers? Well, it’s such a harsh word really. But let’s just say Dele Alli and Christian Eriksen would’ve been hoping to not be where they still are by now.
Meanwhile, viewers in Scotland still get a bonus hour to trade toffee for East Fife’s sub keeper, but, much like Celtic’s season, it’s all over already for us.
Monday 22:41 | The Final Push
Just minutes left to get that player in who can really make a difference to the mood on the coach around the training ground, on the bench, and possibly even on the pitch, who knows?
Late developing stories suggest Newcastle will get Joe Willock on loan from Arsenal, while Josh King has turned the “verbal agreement” into an actual agreement with Everton to move there despite interest from Fulham, and Takumi Minamino’s less-than-successful stint at Liverpool may have earned him a deadline day move to Southampton…
Monday 21:59 | Important Public Service Announcement
Police in North London have had to shut down a number of house parties following the news that Shkodran Mustafi has left Arsenal.
“We understand this is an exciting time for people but we ask, in the interests of public health, that they limit their celebrations to silent fist-pumps and sighs of relief”, a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said.
Monday 21:25 | Transfer insidering ain’t easy
It's been a busy day for all those transfer insiders #DeadlineDay
(18+ BeGambleAware) pic.twitter.com/tiKfpnS5cJ
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) February 1, 2021
Monday 20:54 | Verbal Agreement Klaxon!
When’s the last time you thought about Josh King?
I’m going to guess it was approximately 365 days ago when the Bournemouth striker was linked with a return to the loving bosom of Manchester United.
Sadly it wasn’t to be as Odion Ighalo booked his ticket out of the Chinese Super League quicker than you can say ‘bye-bye, Eddie Howe’.
A year later and there’s another deal for the Norwegian in the offing, with Everton having reached a “verbal agreement” to sign the striker.
We are still trying to confirm whether anyone had their fingers-crossed when the magic words were uttered….
Monday 19:46 | West Bolton Albion
Big Sam looks like he’s got a loan deal over the line for Arsenal full-back Ainsley Maitland-Niles, and West Brom have also added Okay Yokuslu from Celta Vigo, but his moves won’t stop there.
El-Hadji Diouf is said to waiting by his phone for a call from the West Brom gaffer to come in and do a job til the end of the season.
“With Dioufy available to sign, it just makes so much sense for him to link back up with Big Sam,” a connection to The Hawthorns said.
“We’re looking for players with fighting spirit for a real scrap at the bottom, and Dioufy could pick a fight in a phone box.”
More as we get it.
Monday 19:00| Ed balls-up
Now it makes sense…
Solskjaer has said that there are no transfer incomings expected at Man Utd, not because they have no targets but because Ed Woodward is in charge of negotiations.
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) February 1, 2021
Monday 18:21 | No fax up at United
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer may have ruled out any moves to United earlier, but they’re taking no chances with their fax machine this evening, we can exclusively report.
According to our sources, should any club look to make a deal for some of the squad deadwood, a flock of carrier pigeons are at Ed Woodward’s disposal to confirm final details.
“It’s much more efficient and secure than Whatsapp or email – the only real risk is they get sucked into a jet engine, but the sky is, like, massive, so we like the odds,” they said.
“Ed’s become very security conscious recently since the club was held to ransom by a Nigerian prince promising them an extra 250,000 social media followers.”
Monday 17:06 | Tea-time update
Ozan Kabak’s deal is still to be signed as Liverpool negotiate an option to buy the Schalke defender in the summer for the bargain price of £80m…
Reminder, Schalke are bottom of the Bundesliga.
Ben Davies will probably prove a bit cheaper from Preston North End after Liverpool jumped in ahead of Celtic, who are desperately looking for someone not quite as bad as Shane Duffy, to sign him as well to reinforce their defensive options.
They could’ve had Shkodran Mustafi, who instead will replace Bakak at Schalke and set a wave of champagne corks popping across north London.
Monday 16:01 | Brighton sign a much-needed stri… midfielder
Moises Caicedo, a 19-year-old Ecuadorean, will sign for Brighton this evening after a prolonged transfer that’s being drawn out a little longer because he has to wait for what yer da would call a work permit.
Unfortunately for Seagulls fans, no one seems to have checked what position he plays as their forwards couldn’t hit the back of an ice-cream truck down the pier at the moment, yet this lad’s another tidy midfielder.
They’ve waved bye-bye to the inspiration that Premier League goalscoring legend Glenn Murray – might be time to stump up for Diego Costa…
Monday 15:15 | Odem jokers
Our sources contradicting earlier reports that Peter Odemwingie has been seen outside Melwood on stilts claiming to be “as good as Ben Davies at centre-back.”
He’s actually on the M5 heading for West Brom…
Monday 14:49 | Mid-Afternoon mood update…
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) February 1, 2021
Monday 14:38 | United to make a big move…
Huge developing story out of Old Trafford…
Monday 14:11 | What’s the latest…
As we face into the final 9-hour stretch, it’s all downhill from here, though most mooted moves seem to be hitting bumps along the way:
Ainsley Maitland-Niles is still twiddling his thumbs at the Emirates as Leicester, Southampton and West Brom clamour for his signature – or at least a loan agreement for the rest for the season.7
Dele Alli’s still a Spurs player too as the prospect of linking up with Mauricio Pellegrini to play FIFA and sit on the bench in the City of Light drifts further away with every tick of the clock and unsourced statement from Spurs that he’s going nowhere.
Though Mitchel Bergkamp, son of Dennis, is on the move to Watford.
Named after Bergkamp’s favourite family of lovable rogues from BBC soap opera Eastenders, Mitchel initially thought he was getting a dream move to Walford but has settled for the Hornets after being told Walford not a real place.
And anyway, they could never afford his wages since Ian Beale pulled the plug on the chip shop sponsoring the team.
Monday 12:55 | Sergio Ramos to Man Uni… Oh, time for lunch
Ed Woodward, taking time off from licking himself after the relative success of his last-minute Edinson Cavani signing, is looking to try to recreate the magic with a move for Sergio Ramos.
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before, but Ramos’ agents have drummed up interest from the most gullible exec in the game with the defender’s Madrid contract set to expire this summer.
Think we can pencil in a contract extension at improved terms for him in the next few months as Ed wonders why they’ve left him on read.
Now, time for quinoa and avocado on sourdough toast…
Monday 12:20 | Plane speaking
Hearing reports of planes in the air crisscrossing Europe, some likely containing footballers who may or may not sign for your club today.
Though the one around North London is believed to be contracted out by Mesut Ozil with a parting message for Mikel Arteta – “A lego man’s got your head”.
Monday 11:41 | ‘Ozan Kabak is pure quality!’ – Your mate who only heard of him 5 minutes ago
We’ve just heard your Liverpool supporting mate on Facebook confirm that proposed target Ozan Kabak from *quick google* Schalke is “pure quality” despite first hearing of the 20-year-old five minutes ago.
“Great deal, great signing, this lad is pure quality” he said.
Your mate, who’s probably getting him confused with some lad he signed on Football Manager once, said it’s “just the kind of shrewd signing Michael Edwards makes. Get in.”
He’ll join Naby Keita, Takumi Minamino, Sepp van den Berg and Adrian as another sure-fire hit signing by the sophisticated transfer department later today, according to reports…
Monday 11:05 | Wouldn’t touch Watford with a long staff tbqfh
Not such happy news for another bunch of Championship promotion chasers in Watford as Matty Longstaff has reportedly taken a metaphorical newspaper and swatted the Hornets proposed move – splat! – for the Newcastle midfielder by rejecting a loan move.
Clearly, he’s waiting for Ed Woodward to revive Man United’s interest in a move once they offload Phil Jones…
Monday 10:39 | Can’t believe what I’m Reid-ing!
Our first big move of the day, Winston Reid is going on loan to Brentford.
Okay, so it’s not Messi to PSG, but we’re doing our best here.
Having spent nearly ten years toiling at West Ham, the New Zealander has been deemed surplus to requirements just at the point the Hammers actually get their sh*t together.
Enjoy getting beaten in the playoffs, Winston.
Monday 10:10 | Manager ‘not ruling anything out’ on Deadline Day
Hold on to your hats because a manager of a big football club has not said anything that would definitively rule out the possibility of a player joining or leaving his squad.
Our correspondent can confirm that nothing has yet been said that would suggest that nothing will happen at the club.
“We haven’t heard anything from this manager to suggest this day will be boring as f**k, so we can only conclude that all possibilities are on the table for this team,” our sources confirm.
“I mean, when you think about it, the world is full of infinite possibilities and the future is unknowable, so we can’t really say what will or won’t happen until it actually does.”
Cool story bro, thanks for that.
More on this developing situation as we get it…
Monday 09:28 | De-nied
A swift response from Liverpool, who’ve been in touch with airport officials in Russia to request all traffic be grounded just in case Lovren gets any ideas.
Monday 09:24 | I’m Lovren it?!
Reports out of St Petersburg suggest former Liverpool calamity Dejan Lovren has been seen at Pulkovo Airport.
With the Reds desperate for a centre back, could Jurgen Klopp make an emergency move for the ex-Anfield punchbag?
Monday 08:56 | Breakfast update
The only transfer news here so far is a bacon sandwich’s last-minute offer to be breakfast after muesli had expected to seal the deal.
Also, I’m delighted to confirm that pyjamas will be staying put today having signed a one-day contract extension as I work from home.
Meanwhile, in the outside world, we’re still waiting to see if:
- Marcos Rojo, Sergio Romero, and anyone else United want rid of can convince David Moyes their worth pursuing after Jesse Lingard became a happy Hammer
- Liverpool will sign centre-half Ben Davies from Preston to spare their YTS kids several scarring appearances in the Premier League
- Christian Eriksen completes the prodigal son move and returns to Tottenham and place on the bench alongside Gareth Bale as Dele Alli leaves for Paris
These questions and much more will be answered in the next 14 hours or longer as we count the transfer fees and countdown the seconds to the transfer deadline.
Monday 06:47 | Transfer Deadline Day is here!
And I thought only milkmen and bakers worked this early.
Good morning and welcome to (it says here) a day of “thrills and spills” – and no-frills last-minute emergency signings for from the Chineses Super League I’ll wager – as the 2021 January transfer window slams shut.
We’ll bring all the latest deals, dubious rumours and deadline shenanigans before the most
wearying day in the football calendar eventful day in the football calendar sees the window slam shut harder than when you leave the front and backdoor open at the same time.
So stick around for all the purple willies you can handle because we’ll be here til… 11 o’clock!
11pm! Are you for real?!
No f**king way am I on here ’til then. Back to bed. There’ll still be nothing happening in a couple of hours anyway.
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