West Ham United’s directors are said to be keen on manager David Moyes spending as much time at home as possible after their stunning 4-0 win against Wolves on Sunday night.
The Hammers boss was forced to monitor the game from home following a positive Covid-19 diagnosis earlier in the week, but his absence seemed to spur on his side against their highly-touted opponents. And decision-makers at the East End club have taken notice, with the glowering gaffer being told he can manage the team from his sofa “for the rest of the season” if he wants.
“The board were blown away by Sunday’s performance – the team looked like they’d let the shackles off without the manager around,” a source within the club reported. “The noticeable absence of the rain cloud that follows Moyes every waking second of every single day made training a lot more fun and relaxed this week.”
“Declan Rice might not up sticks and leave for Chelsea now – unless the owners beg him to, like Grady Diangana.”
“Even Mark Noble’s running around like the clock turned back to 1987, when he’d just broken into the first team.”
And while the training was a much brighter place, the manager’s tactical input was not missed either.
“Yeah, he was dialled in on Zoom,” a member of the squad confirmed, “But he was stuck on mute the whole time. No one was really bothered.”
Even his assistant, Alan Irvine, was reported to have left a series of tactical Whatsapp message “on read” as the Claret and Blue side shredded their more fancied opponents.
Yep, FOUR! 🤩
WHAT a performance from the lads 👏#WHUWOL
— West Ham United (@WestHam) September 27, 2020
Following the result, the club has offered Moyes a range of incentives to manage the team remotely for the foreseeable future.
“They’ve already set him with the Sky introductory offer for a month and will pay for it AND BT all the way to May if he agrees to stay aw… I mean, manage the team at a safe social distance.”
“And Sullivan and Gold will even offer their own premium channels for free if that’s what it takes to convince him to keep away from the club.”`
And there’s an added upside for Moyes not being involved with first-team activities.
“Managing the team without attending any games will mean he can avoid an awkward meeting with Wilf Zaha whenever West Ham play Palace…”