Phil Jones working hard on ‘Stay Alert’ gurn ahead of Premier League return

Sources say he's been inspired by Derek Zoolander's 'Blue Steel'

By / Football News, Premier League / 5 years ago

Manchester United star Phil Jones is working on a new grimace called ‘Stay Alert’ ahead of a potential Premier League return, according to reports.

The 28-year-old is as renowned for his bizarre facial expressions during a game as he is for putting the ball through his own net.

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While other footballers have spent the past few weeks sharing made-up 5K times on social media, Jones has been working on a new gurn which he’s naming after a confusing new government slogan.

‘Stay Alert is the new look I’ll be unleashing when the Premier League season restarts’, explained Jones.  ‘I can honestly say it’s the greatest face I’ve pulled. Definitely my best work to date’.

Jones declined to give a sneak preview of the new gurn but did give us a clue about what to expect.

‘Think Beaker from the Muppets staggering out of the Haçienda circa 1989’, he grinned.

The Preston-born defender revealed he drew inspiration from Ben Stiller’s 2001 comedy Zoolander which he recently purchased in a local £1 shop.

‘It’s a really funny movie’, gushed Jones. ‘Basically, it’s about a male model who stops an assassination attempt on a Prime Minister during a fashion show by unleashing his new ultimate model look – ‘Magnum’.

‘All the faces I’ve pulled have been meme’d to f**king death. That’s when I realised I needed a new look of my own. So, I got to work on a new grimace – but I was struggling to come up with a name! That’s until I heard Bojo during Sunday’s address. His speech was similar to a David Moyes team talk. Rambling, at times incoherent and totally confusing.

Phil Jones

‘However, when he said ‘Stay Alert’, something clicked. Being a world-class defender, I’m always on alert. It’s perfect’, he drooled.

Meanwhile, as Prime Minister Boris Johnson urged people in England to return to work, Paul Pogba and his agent Mino Raiola have been in secret talks with Scottish Championship giants Inverness Caledonian Thistle over a move North.

It’s understood the former Juventus star is hoping to avoid a return to work for at least another three weeks.

And the 27-year-old French World Cup winner teased fans of the Highlands club this morning when he uploaded a video of himself dabbing in a Caley Thistle shirt to Instagram.

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