1 Star: The Di Marias leave TripAdvisor review five years after Manchester stay

Disliked: Louis van Avery, Corrie, shite weather, Vimto

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Angel Di Maria and his wife have left a review of their time in Manchester on TripAdvisor, it has emerged. The Argentine couple relocated to North West England after Angel Di Maria’s British-record £59.7million move from Real Madrid in 2014.  However, their stint in Manchester lasted only a year before the Di Marias were on the move again, this time to Paris.

Five years on and the pair have finally decided to pen a review of their stay in the city Mrs Di Maria affectionately dubbed a ‘shithole’.

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Taking to the website of the American online travel company ‘TripAdvisor’, the couple wrote:

‘Spent a year in a rain-soaked slum in the North of England often referred to as Manchester. Can’t believe we left Madrid to go play for a team managed by a guy who looks like Steven Avery’s mum’.

‘We would’ve stayed in Spain but this guy called Ed rang our agent and just kept adding zeros to Angel’s wage until we agreed to move’.

The Di Marias went on to explain how the language barrier was just one of many obstacles they faced upon arriving in Manchester.

‘On our first night in our Cheshire home, we cracked open a bottle of Malbec and stuck on a Coronation Street DVD to see if we could pick up the local dialect. But within 5 minutes it was switched off. It has to be the most unrealistic show I’ve ever watched’.

‘Train crashes, kidnapping and murder all happening in some shitty cobblestone street. The place would be some sort of insurance black spot’.

The couple were less than impressed with the local cuisine also.

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‘In Madrid, we’d have tapas and wine but in Manchester, they violate your digestive system with black pudding and Vimto’.

Despite his substantially enhanced remuneration package, Angel Di Maria admitted his move to Old Trafford was a bit of a comedown.

‘Having become accustomed to watching the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale in training, seeing Fellaini and Phil Jones run around Carrington with all the grace and poise of new-born foals on an ice rink was a culture shock, to say the least’.

The Di Marias signed off their review by awarding Manchester one star and the following:

Liked: The money
Disliked: Louis van Avery, Corrie, shite weather, Vimto
Tips/Secrets: Get your agent on the blower to Nasser Al-Khelaifi

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