Sir Jim Ratcliffe continues to tighten the purse strings at Manchester United with the news that his right-hand man at INEOS, Sir Dave Brailsford, will take over matchday PA duties at Old Trafford.
Having dispensed with Sir Alex Ferguson’s two million a year ambassadorial role, Britain’s reportedly richest man continues streamlining his staff.
Brailsford, who heads up football operations at the Theatre of Dreams, is understood to be “excited” by his additional role and is expected to take up his new position in time for United’s home game against Chelsea on November 3.
Ratcliffe held a brief press-conference earlier where he explained that: “Sir Dave brings experience and an extensive Spotify playlist with him, which we feel will enhance the matchday experience at Old Trafford, which will not be too difficult at the moment.”
Close friends of the cycling chief, who it’s suggested was “obsessed with marginal gains before he was out of nappies,” confirmed to Paddy Power News that he had previous in this department.
“When he was younger, he was a major player on the Derby club circuit” they explained, “Dave the Rave was a renowned DJ back then and was compared to the likes of Carl Cox and Pete Tong.
“His favourite track of all time is Tour de France by Kraftwerk, naturally.”
Another close pal told us he also had a mobile disco back in the day and was often seen on the wheels of steel at weddings and bar mitzvahs. “He was never scared to put on a bit of Jive Bunny,” they declared.
There are more rumours circulating around Old Trafford that Brailsford had also put himself forward for the role of matchday mascot “Fred the Red” in a bid to curtail costs, and an unnamed source at the club backed this up by telling us that:
“A couple of years ago he entered the mascot derby at Epsom and came second dressed as Swansea City mascot Cyril the Swan.”
And he has suggested he could provide an adequate replacement for match-day coaches as “he has a few bikes in the shed.”
We can also reveal that other members of staff at Old Trafford may also have to multi-task soon.
It’s been suggested that £81 million signing Antony might try being a footballer rather than a twirling ornament, while Paddy Power News also understands that new Technical Director, Jason Wilcox, has been asked to take up the role as window cleaner.
This was backed up by an eye-witness who was leaving the megastore and who told us that a man, fitting Wilcox description, was “walking around the Old Trafford forecourt with telescopic rods.”
Suggestions it was a Glazer planning to start a chimney-sweep service staffed by local street urchins have be dismissed as “baseless”.
*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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