Everton have been deducted two more Premier League points after manager Sean Dyche was found guilty of jumping a queue at the Post Office.
An independent commission comprising of Kenny Dalglish, Robbie Fowler and Mel C from the Spice Girls found that Everton breached the Premier League’s POP (Post Office Protocol) rules.
In its written reasons, the commission recommended that Everton be demoted to the Liverpool & District Sunday League with immediate effect.
However, this was reduced to two points on appeal after Dyche showed up at Fowler’s house in the middle of the night to make an early admission of guilt.
The former Burnley boss admitted nipping in front of an unsuspecting customer while they were queuing at their local Post Office.
‘All I wanted was a first-class stamp so I could post my donation cheque to Reform UK’, Dyche told Paddy Power News.
‘But some bloody Karen was kicking off about the price of envelopes and demanded to speak to a manager’.
‘So, I shouts up, ‘I’m the f***ing manager’ and when she’s turned around, I barged in front of her and got the stamp. Bish bash bosh! Job’s a good’un’.
‘Unfortunately, the club might get relegated over it, but you live and learn I suppose?’.
Meanwhile, the Premier League have confirmed they’re looking into ways of punishing Everton for Harry Kane’s elbow on Gabriel Magalhaes during Bayern Munich’s Champions League quarter-final first leg draw at the Emirates.
‘Whilst we’re fully aware we have zero jurisdiction over European games, our lawyers are working round the clock to find a way to dock Everton some Premier League points for Kane’s elbow’, read a Premier League statement.
‘Looking at the footage, Kane’s right arm makes contact with Gabriel’s jaw when backing up to contest an aerial challenge. And if you slow it right down, you can clearly see that some how Everton Football Club are responsible for this’.
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