Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola has confirmed that Kevin De Bruyne is winning an imaginary fitness battle to face Arsenal in a Premier League title defining match at the Etihad on Sunday.
The Belgian missed the international break with a suspected case of Manchester City blocking the call-up and is expected to play a full 90 minutes at the weekend.
De Bruyne gave City fans a fright after he was spotted at the club’s training ground in a full body cast shortly after he was named in the Belgium squad to face Ireland and England.
However, a video posted to De Bruyne’s official Instagram account this morning showed the 32-year-old base jumping off the highest peak in the Lysefjord in Norway, alleviating fears he was ever injured in the first place.
‘I have the physio’s report in my hand’, Guardiola told Paddy Power News while clearly holding an upside-down menu from City’s cafeteria.
‘It says Kevin has responded well to treatment for a, eh, dislocated nostril hair and is expected to make a full recovery’, he said, while barely holding it together.
When quizzed on why the midfielder was sporting a full body cast for something as insignificant as a displaced nose hair, the Spaniard snapped:
‘Do I look like a doctor? I have a better life than doctors. Now, if there are no further questions, they stop serving breakfast at 11, so p*ss off’.
Meanwhile, Arsenal boss Mikel Arteta had some equally positive fake injury news about England forward Bukayo Saka who was also prevented from joining up with his national side ahead of Sunday’s potential title-decider.
‘Will Bukayo be fit for Sunday? It’s difficult to say. Particularly with a straight face’, Arteta told Paddy Power News.
‘Only joking, lads. Of course he’s fit. There was f**k all wrong with him’, cackled the 42-year-old.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second.
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