The FAI’s lengthy search for Stephen Kenny’s successor appears to be over after they announced that singer Rod Stewart will be picking Ireland’s new boss out of a tombola following the Switzerland friendly on Tuesday night.
Director of football Marc Canham confirmed the ageing crooner will pick Ireland a new manager at random thus bringing the protracted saga to an end.
It’s only the second time in the FAI’s history they’ve allowed an inebriated musician to choose the national team boss.
The first instance was in 2006, when the FAI tasked Ozzy Osbourne with picking Ireland’s manager out of the audience at a Black Sabbath concert and Steve Staunton got the job.
‘This is what we’ve resorted to’, Canham told Paddy Power News.
‘Everyone turned us down. Chris Coleman said no. Lee Carsley said no. Even Stephen Kenny said no to coming back’.
‘All things considered, allowing a 79-year-old man in leopard print leggings to pick Ireland’s manager out of a raffle is what’s best for the country right now’.
When asked which candidates were likely to be included in the raffle, Canham said:
‘There’ll be a few household names in there. Big Sam. Obviously. Ted Lasso. He seems nice. Daniel O’Donnell. A popular choice with the over 70s’.
‘We also have a smattering of existing FAI employee’s names in the hat. Debs from accounts. She’s in there. And the big fella who puts the scented cubes in the gents’ urinals. I can’t remember his name. It’ll come to me’.
Meanwhile, Rod Stewart has told of his immense pride in playing such a crucial role in the FAI’s selection process.
‘Not many football associations in the world would trust a pissed-up pensioner with yellow streaks in his hair to pluck their manager out of a tombola drum’, the Maggie May singer told Paddy Power News.
‘But that’s what makes the FAI so special’.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second.
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