The iceberg lettuce which outlasted Liz Truss’ reign as UK Prime Minister is in line to succeed Wayne Rooney as Birmingham City manager.
Rooney was relieved of his duties as boss following a shambolic 83-days in the St Andrews dugout which brought nine defeats and only two wins in a 15-game tenure.
With Birmingham now languishing in 20th spot in the Championship, co-owners Tom Wagner and Tom Brady believe the lettuce can bring some stability to the Blues.
‘I think I speak on behalf of the rest of the board when I say I can’t wait to sack the lettuce’, Brady told Paddy Power News.
‘Of all the vegetables we’ve interviewed for the job so far, the wilting lettuce was by far the most suitable for our long-term project’.
The six-time Super Bowl winner also denied speculation that the cabbage once thrown at Steve Bruce was interviewed for the role.
‘We never spoke to the cabbage because it’s a Villa fan. Simple’.
‘In saying that, the cabbage was still higher on the shortlist than Brucey’.
Other candidates for the job were rumoured to include Brummie comedian Jasper Carrott and the turnip superimposed on Graham Taylor’s head during England’s ill-fated 1994 World Cup qualifying campaign by The Sun newspaper.
Meanwhile, Rooney didn’t hold back when told he was being replaced by the infamous lettuce.
We caught up with the former Everton wonderkid who was opening a new care home in his native Croxteth in Liverpool.
‘People will criticize me time at Birmingham but at least I lasted 83-days and got two wins. Liz only lasted 44 days and managed to crash the UK economy’.
But despite Rooney’s comparative successes, it’s believed the 38-year-old will not be on the New Year’s Honours list nor will he receive a government pension for life.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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