Man United fans to fill Champions League void with Treble DVD

Man United fans are set to fill void left by their recent Champions League exit by re-watching their treble season DVD over and over and over...

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Manchester United fans are looking forward to rewatching old footage of their club’s glorious past as they aim to fill the midweek void left by their Champions League exit.

United departed the competition on Tuesday night, rock bottom of Group A, avoiding a drop into the Europa League.

It means their beleaguered supporters have been spared the indignity of watching their side lose to Azerbaijani minnows on a Thursday night instead.

‘That abject performance was for the fans’, United boss Erik ten Hag told Paddy Power News after the game.

‘Now they will only have to endure one spirit crushing defeat per week instead of two’.

And with no European football on the horizon for the foreseeable future, many United fans will spend their Wednesday evenings reliving their continental successes of 25-years ago.

Diehard Red Angus Hucknall told Paddy Power News about the soothing effects of a night in front of the telly watching Fergie’s all conquering United sides of yesteryear.

‘It’s like watching Man United live but without the crippling anxiety or fear of impending defeat’, explained Angus.

‘There are a few scratches on her but she’s still in decent working order’ he said while cleaning United’s Treble DVD disc on his jumper.

‘There are a couple of hairy moments, like when we go 2-0 down in Turin. But you just have to remind yourself it happened a quarter of a century ago and ends with Davy May holding the famous trophy aloft in the Camp Nou’.

Meanwhile, some relieved United fans took to social media to describe the various other ways they’ll plug that Champions League shaped gap in their lives.

bruno fernandes, november 2023

‘Instead of screaming obscenities and throwing things at the television in a rage, maybe I’ll watch reruns of Mrs Browns Boys or the Covid Enquiry for a bit of light relief?’, wrote Twitter/X user EricsCollar1968.

BruceysNose99 wrote: ‘I can finally spend my evenings doing something less painful than watching Martial play football, like standing on a plug or stir frying my own genitals’.

BigTimeCharlie08 posted: ‘After that snoozefest against Bayern, I’m looking forward to catching up some gripping content, like that YouTube video of Ed Sheeran filling in a tax return while humming Galway Girl’.

Finally, BlomqvistsCuff93 said: ‘I’d rather watch a 4K quality video of the night I was conceived than another Man United Champions League group game’.

In related news, Newcastle United have released a statement criticising UEFA in the wake of their Champions League exit following a 2-1 defeat against AC Milan at St James’ Park.

The Magpies are still furious about the penalty awarded against them for handball during their game with Paris Saint Germain.

A brief statement on the club’s official website read: ‘How are we supposed to compete against corrupt sportswashing oil state owned clubs like PSG?’

*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second

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