With the January transfer window opening in less than two weeks, Paddy Power News understands Manchester City are planning an audacious move to bring in a further 115 Financial Fair Play charges amid a stuttering defence of their title.
The Citizens are confident a midseason move for offences against the basic rules of Premier League competition will be enough to turn around their fortunes as it has been in the past, allowing them to cruise to a fourth successive title in front of a half-full Etihad.
“We win things, that’s what we do,’ said a City fan jubilant at the prospect of the club legend he referred to as “FFP Breachy”.
“Who cares whether it’s by playing Tiki Taka football, putting Bernardo Silva in goal, or intelligent financial manoeuvring allowing us to fund moves for the world’s best management, coaching staff, players and facilities”
When asked about re-signing the Sky Blue legend for a second spell at the club, City boss Pep Guardiola, crying into the journalist’s microphone, was extremely complimentary.
“He’s so nice, he’s so nice. Yeah, he helped me a lot. We cannot replace him, we cannot.”
Having been allocated the squad number 115, the club store has already started to sell FFP Breachy replica jerseys to the handful of fans who pass through on a weekly basis.
And though the reports will be welcomed by Pep Guardiola, it has angered Everton, whose fans have been sent doolally with outrage over a lack of consistency from footballing authorities.
“How is it City can get away with this every season, yet we get docked ten points for going £0.27p in debt? It’s not our fault nobody wanted to buy Fabian Delph or Cenk Tosun. The game’s gone, la,” an irate Evertonian fumed during a break in his daily booing practice.
With City facing Everton in their next Premier League fixture, some early team new suggests Rodri is suffering from a broken back due to carrying the team so far this season, whilst Erling Haaland has the remainder of December off to go house hunting in Madrid.
As for Everton, they have no notable absentees, and manager Sean Dyche is expecting his side to take all three points.
“Sean thinks we will smash City and go unbeaten for the remainder of the season. He also said he’s willing to have a fist fight with anybody to get those ten points back,” a Goodison Park source revealed.
“In fact, the gaffer’s keen to lobby for a further points deduction because of how well the lads have played since – he says we’ll be nailed on for top 4 if they dock us another 20 points or so,” they said.
*Paddy Power’s football coverage is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second
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