Inter Milan’s star striker Romelu Lukaku managed to outdo his Champions League final mishaps on the pitch with a string of unfortunate misses post-game, Paddy Power News understands.
The on-loan Chelsea forward, known for his incredible not-a-goal-scoring abilities for Belgium, Man United and now Inter Milan, proved that he’s also world class when it comes to f**king up everyday tasks.
Several eyewitnesses at the Ataturk Stadium in Istanbul reported that when the Inter Milan team made their way to the bus following their 1-0 loss to Man City, Lukaku only emerged from the depths of stadium as the coach pulled away.
“He tore out of the tunnel like a bullet, caught right up to the bus and looked like he couldn’t possibly miss the drive back to the hotel,” said one onlooker.
“But just as he was about to tap on the door to get the driver’s attention he tripped over his open shoelaces, slipped on a banana peel, stepped on some marbles left lying on the street, and fell straight down an open manhole,” we were told.
“I’d say he was incredibly unlucky except he also narrowly avoided a grand piano that fell from a crane moments later,” our source said.
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Though the 30-year-old was soon retrieved from the sewer and returned to the team lodgings in a taxi, his misfortunes did not stop there.
“He was obviously back late and overslept,” said an Inter source, ” so he’s missed breakfast, naturally.”
And staff at the hotel reported several other missteps by the unfortunate forward.
ISTANBUL, TURKEY – JUNE 10: Coach of Inter Milan Simone Inzaghi receives his runners up medal after the UEFA Champions League 2022/23 final match between FC Internazionale and Manchester City FC at Atatuerk Olympic Stadium on June 10, 2023 in Istanbul, Turkey. (Photo by Jean Catuffe/Getty Images)
“Of course he missed the check out time, and when the cleaners went in he was trying to pack up his bags – but everything ended up on the floor whenever he attempted to put it in his bag.”
“You should’ve seen him trying to brush his teeth. It was just toothpaste all over his face.”
“The less said about the p*ss all over the en suite the better.”
And while his teammates boarded their return flight to Milan this morning we have received further reports of comedic calamities afflicting the Belgian international.
“He strolled right past the boarding gate and into a duty-free, spent too much time browsing the Toblerones and bags of Haribo then realised his teammates had already taken off without him,” a member of staff said.
It remains to be seen if parent club Chelsea stump up for a return flight to London now that his loan to Serie A has ended or they just leave him to wander Istanbul airport, though authorities in the Turkish capital are said to be keen to see him depart before he causes an accident there.
“We urge Todd Boehly to intervene on Mr Lukaku’s behalf as soon as possible. Insurance on this place will go through the roof if he’s hanging around,” a spokesman said.
“It’s only a matter of time before he gets stuck on a baggage carousel or sets fire to a hand-dryer.”
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