It’s been a seismic few days for football with the shock announcement that all the best clubs are going to form their own European Super League, rendering the Champions League as obsolete as Jose Mourinho’s tactics.
And the earth-shaking news just keeps coming as we can exclusively reveal that some of Europe’s shittest sides are also looking to form their own breakaway competition which would dovetail nicely alongside the more glamorous version.
An insider at West Bromwich Albion has explained that the Baggies, along with other yoyo clubs such as Watford, Norwich City, Sheffield United and Fulham, have set the ball in motion which would allow their supporters to have their own taste of European football against clubs of a similarly mediocre-to-downright crap standard.
Minnows from around Europe are also keen to join the fledgling competition, with clubs such as Crotone and Empoli in Italy, Alaves and Espanyol in Spain, Maritimo in Portugal, ADO Den Haag and Go Ahead Eagles in Holland and Genk (but not Gent) from Belgium set to add lightweight clout to an already dubious and frankly uninspiring prospect.
Our West Midlands source also tells us that they are aiming for a 20-team competition, but if not enough sides can be bothered, then they would settle for a reduced capacity.
Wildcard entries would also be an option according to the plans, which appeared to be scribbled hastily on the back of Weatherspoons beermat.
For instance, Italian Div 2 side Ascoli, who were the last winners of the Anglo-Italian Cup back in the ’90s, could be one of those sides voted in on sporting merit as well as Maltese Premier League outfit Valletta, who once beat Arsenal in a pre-season friendly, and the Hurricanes from that kid’s cartoon have yet to rule themselves out of the competition, being, as they are, non-existent.
What is also still unclear is whether the Carabao Cup and Papa John’s Trophy winners would be given entry to the competition. “Where do you draw the line?” asked one source when pushed for a comment, “Are we gonna have the Dog and Duck XI in it too…
However, a later statement confirmed that the Dog & Duck XI would be added to the list of “founding members” of the new competition.
It isn’t great news for everyone though. Should this second breakaway competition go ahead, many players will be banned by FIFA from playing international football.
The Republic of Ireland will likely face a severe shortage of talent and may have to make up the numbers by using players from lower reaches of the Football League and Non-League teams. After the side’s Luxembourg debacle in March, some cynics have already asked what’s the risk?
We tried to get a further comment from The Hawthorns on this, but were told to f**k off by a very irate switchboard operator.
We did, however, get a soundbite from an unlikely source – the former Norwich patron and cookery queen Delia Smith, after blagging that we wanted her recipe for an apple crumble, in which she explained that should her beloved Canaries be included in the new format, she would be more than delighted to take over the club kitchen once again at Carrow Road.
“There’s a lot of potential to source artisanal ingredients from across Europe thanks to this tournament. There’s nothing more I like cooking than a Mediterranean-inspired Fisherman’s Pie or hearty snail casserole.”
Early signs indicate that a reformed Men & Motors network, which is now only available via an app, would be keen to come on board as an official broadcast partner.
A spokesperson for the channel said that it was likely they would have to make a choice between the ScrewfixDirect.com Euro Scrapheap Challenge League and the tractor pulling world champs from Estonia, which was set to be the network’s flagship show for 2022.
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