Christmas is just around the corner and Premier League clubs are once again utilising the festive season to produce some seriously bad products, in the hope that supporters will throw caution to the wind and purchase that late stocking filler for a loved one. For those of you still stuck for gift ideas, here’s our guide to who is, topping the tat table in 2020.
LIVERPOOL ADULT NOVELTY CHRISTMAS SHIRT
They may or may not be top of the Premier League for Christmas, but what is not in doubt is that Liverpool Football Club are certainly top of the festive tat charts after producing this quite hideous novelty Christmas shirt.
From a city that was once famous for its shell-suit’s and bubble perms, comes a gift that is guaranteed to make the man in your life look like a complete t**t at the festive lunch table.
COVID-19 has put paid to office parties this year so this garment will certainly make amends if your fella hasn’t been able to wear his wacky Christmas tie at the works do whilst embarrassing himself on the dance floor attempting to throw some shapes to The Prodigy.
Mind you, if you want to go double-bubble you could always buy him an LFC tie too for the ultimate wacky look. Expect the charity shops in the city centre to be inundated in the New Year.
NEWCASTLE UNITED CREST HANGERS
It’s Christmas Day morning and the anticipation is rising throughout households all across Tyneside. Every year, he knows he’ll get some Newcastle United related merchandise so imagine the crestfallen look on his face when he rips open the wrapping paper to reveal….some Newcastle United coat hangers.
Even by stocking filler standards, these are s***e and they wouldn’t even make the cut in a Secret Santa ballot. One suspects that these have only been produced for disgruntled wives/girlfriends, to exact revenge on their other halves who had the temerity to buy them Corby Trouser Press 12 months earlier.
Still, look on the bright side; you can always use them to re-hang your collection of Magpie replica jerseys that have been lovingly collected since 1996. Better still, they will come in handy for hanging the trousers beautifully pressed by the trouble and strife.
FULHAM MANICURE SET
It’s been a poor start to life back in the big time for Scotty Parker’s men, but at least fans now get a chance to look as well-groomed as Aleksandar Mitrovic and company with this manicure set.
The pocket-sized number will slip perfectly into your jacket pocket and if you need to pull out that annoying nasal hair before half-time, then it’s compact design will ensure you won’t become the butt of your mates’ jokes.
It’s unlikely that fans will be back at Craven Cottage anytime soon having just been moved into tier three, but if you manage to pull one of these out of your Christmas stocking on the 25th, at least you’ll have plenty of time to devise a way to get the scissors past security once the turnstiles open up again.
LONDON, ENGLAND – SEPTEMBER 29: The old Highbury Stadium before the UEFA Champions League Group F match between Arsenal FC and Olympiacos FC at the Emirates Stadium on September 29, 2015 in London, United Kingdom. (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)
ARSENAL HIGHBURY GLASSES CASE AND LENS CLOTH
How Arsenal fans long for the glory days of the late 90’s and early noughties and their trophy-laden era under the tutelage of Arsene Wenger. Well, now there is a way to turn your loved one misty-eyed with this fetching glasses case complete with livery of the marbled halls of the famous old stadium.
When it’s time to put on the readers, Gunners fans can rekindle the magical days of Henry, Pires and Bergkamp, before wiping their specs down with the (complimentary) lens cloth that’s also done out in the same design, before the crushing realisation that their current future lies in the hands of such luminaries as Granit Xhaka, Sead Kolasinac and David Luiz./
SOUTHAMPTON RETRO PLAYER SOCKS GIFT SET
Want to keep the spirit of Le Tissier close to you all day long? Well, now you can thanks to these sumptuous retro socks from the Saints. The former midfield legend’s final goal for the club has been wonderfully captured in 85% Italian combed cotton and that’s not all – In this combination pack you also get a chance to re-live the club’s greatest day when they won the FA Cup in 1976, the moment Shane Long scored the winning goal for the south coast side in the League Cup semi-final against Liverpool in 2017 and Dusan Tadic celebrating with Graziano Pelle after scoring in the 8-0 rout of Sunderland in 2014.
What surely makes these the must-have gift for all Saints supporters is the fact and I quote, that they are; “Traditional mid-calf” in size. Who would have thought it, socks that actually fit to the usual size that a sock should fit (unless it’s a trainer sock, or socks that are traditionally worn with a pair of plus fours of course). I’ll shut up.
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