Crawley Town complete transfer swoop for Big Brother’s Nasty Nick

Some coup, this.

Crawley Town have announced the signing of reality TV star Nick Bateman on a rolling monthly contract.

He becomes the second reality ‘star’ to join the League Two outfit after TOWIE’s Mark Wright joined the team and will go straight into the squad for Saturday’s clash with Leyton Orient.

Bateman, who claims to have had trials with Barcelona and Real Madrid in his youth, has been a free agent since appearing in a panto around 2002.

The former stockbroker came to public prominence as a contestant on the first series of Big Brother, a show in which they put a bunch of fame-hungry morons in a house and then kick them out again one-by-one until a solitary fame-hungry moron remains.

“Many people will be wondering if a 53-year-old man who’s never kicked a ball in anger – never mind played a single professional game – can cut it in League Two,” Nick told his 13 Twitter followers.

“It’s up to me to prove the doubters wrong and do all my talking on the pitch.

“I’m looking forward to meeting the rest of the squad and stirring the shit in the changing room.”

Meanwhile, Crawley Town boss John Yems believes ‘Nasty’ Nick is an exciting acquisition for the club.

“Nick’s someone we’ve had our eye on for quite a while. As well as his obvious ability to start a row in an empty room, Nick’s performances in panto down the years have been absolutely top-drawer,” he said.

John Yems

However, Yems refused to be drawn on speculation that the club were in advanced talks to sign Jedward.

“I can’t comment on every talentless reality show contestant we’re linked with,” the 61-year-old told Paddy Power News.

“We’re always looking to strengthen the team and Jedward are just two of the irritating arse-holes we’re keeping an eye on.

“Although Yems was quick to rule out a move for Gaz from Geordie Shore. “Who?” quizzed The Reds boss.


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