Trump praises Woodward for clinging onto power at Man Utd ​

Two strong men. One goal: Power.


Donald Trump has lavished praise upon Ed Woodward for the manner in which he’s clung onto power at Manchester United for seven years. With the 74-year-old outperforming pollsters’ predictions and fighting valiantly to extend his presidency into a second term, Trump took time out from Tweeting to recognise Woodward’s own abilities to stay in office.

“In terms of holding onto power, in spite of the wishes of the people, really only three names spring to mind. Fidel Castro, Robert Mugabe and Ed Woodward,” the former The Apprentice star told his millions of followers. “Ed’s done things at Manchester Red Sox, the likes of which the world has never seen before. In seven years he’s taken a series-winning franchise to the bottom of the league, spending only a Billion in that time, by the way’.

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Trump also admired Woodward’s ability to deflect the blame for his own sh*te decisions on his subordinates, a tactic Trump has used to great effect during his tenure as US President.

“Like all great leaders,” Trump continued, “Ed has people around him he can fire when things aren’t going great. Who is Jose Mourinho to tell Ed Woodward who’s a good soccer player? Ed picks winners like Fellaini, not losers like Sancho.”

Jose Mourinho

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The 45th President of the United States believes Woodward will continue leading Manchester United for many years to come. “People think it’s going to happen. Everyone’s saying Ed wants to be the man who takes Manchester to the Vanarama National League. I believe he can do it, I really do.”

Meanwhile, fellow US Election 2020 candidate Kanye West has been spotted outside Old Trafford wearing a ‘Make Manchester United Great Again’ baseball cap. The ‘Gold Digger’ singer semi-retired from the music scene in 2010 in order to concentrate on being a bigger d**khead.


After unsuccessfully running for President, West has turned his attention to becoming Manchester United’s new chief executive.

“We must now realize the promise of Manchester United by trusting God – or Kanye, as you may know him – by unifying our vision and building our future,’ West Tweeted to his 30.9M followers this morning. “My first act will be to place my wife Kim in charge of all first-team affairs,” added the 43-year-old.

West is, of course, referring to his wife Kim, who he began dating in 2012. However, by 2017 the couple decided to spend some time apart after almost three years of never seeing each other.

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