Kepa Arrizabalaga has locked himself inside the Stamford Bridge changing room as Chelsea look to replace him as their No1 goalkeeper.
The 25-year-old Spaniard, who notoriously defied Maurizio Sarri when he tried to substitute him in the Carabao Cup final, was reacting to the news Chelsea have agreed a deal with Rennes to sign goalkeeper Edouard Mendy.
Frank Lampard views Senegalese international Mendy as the ideal replacement for Kepa who’s proved to be as useful as the lid on a McFlurry.
The Spain international lost his place in Chelsea’s starting line-up last season following a catalogue of errors in big games.
Subsequently, he was replaced by a bald fella whose name sounds like that All-American truck from The Simpsons.
Upon hearing the club was attempting to sign another keeper, Kepa directed some serious finger-wagging at boss Frank Lampard while screaming ‘NO!!!’.
The former Athletic Bilbao star stormed off the training field towards the player’s car park where he let his own tyres down.
Then he made his way to the home dressing room where he barricaded himself inside before handcuffing his delicate wrists to his seat and swallowing the key.
Numerous Chelsea staff tried in vain to break down the barricade until owner Roman Abramovich smashed his way through in an old Soviet tank he’d procured at an auction.
The Russian billionaire administered an enema to retrieve the keys before having the superfluous goalkeeper escorted kicking and screaming off the premises.
While being bundled into a waiting airport taxi, Kepa screamed ‘you haven’t heard the last of me’, like one of those bell-ends who’s just been voted off the X-Factor and we never hear from again.
Talking to Paddy Power News about the unsavoury incident, Chelsea boss Frank Lampard said:
“Telling a player they’re surplus to requirements is never easy. Some lads take it on the chin. With others, like Kepa, it can involve enemas, Soviet tanks and one-way flights to Siberia.”
When asked if he wished Kepa every success in the future, the former midfielder said:
“No, not really. He did my nut in from day one. I haven’t seen anyone drop that many shots since Rio and I hit Ibiza.”
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